Author: Emmy Steve

I got attracted to tech from an early age getting close to my Father. Coupled with learning some high end skills i was able to build a 6 figure Ecommerce store a few years ago after graduating from Pharmacy.
The only way I have found to express myself as an introvert is through writing. 
I'm convinced 100% that to build a 6-7-figure business and beyond you need to invest in yourself and your personal development.
The more you grow, the more your business will grow.
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Lifestyle Personal Development

How to overcome entitlement mentality? 9 steps to get rid of entitlement mindset

If you have an entitlement mentality, it means you feel entitled to certain things without having to work for them. This can be damaging to your personal and professional relationships. Learn how to recognize and OVERCOME the pitfalls of an entitlement mentality.

Its easy to find many adults with entitlement mentality? But why do the most successful people still work hard? Or do the wealthiest people live below their income?

The more successful people get, they more they keep to their vision and work ethic.

What is meant by entitlement mentality?

Entitlement mentality meaning 

Here’s how i define entitlement mentality – “Entitlement” here is feeling the world owes you something, expecting a lot without necessarily earning it.

It’s entirely different from the “entitlement” synonymous with privilege. E.g. you are entitled to your basic human right and to your own autonomy.

What are the negative consequences of an Entitlement mentality?  

The feeling of “Entitlement” is a form of low personal responsibility that can breed:

⦁ Selfishness, Dishonesty, a life filled with Excuses, Laziness and Indiscipline.

If one thing is common, entitlement is indirectly proportional to how you win in life.

Selfishness

Also regarded as self-entitlement mentality.

The more entitled you feel, the more you’re always thinking of yourself.

How can I get this? How can I get that? Me! Hardly can you hear a person feeling entitled think of what they can give.

You’ll always feel the world owes you something. And every time, life doesn’t meet your high expectation, it’s now the “world hates me. No one cares about me.”

Until you get the point where you realize no one owes you nothing and the best way to you can influence the world is through your contribution, you may never become fully responsible.

Dishonesty

Feeling entitled & expecting everything to be fair can cause one to go their way to do anything just to feed their personal desires – and in the end cover it up if need be.  A life full of cover-ups would lead to more lies and dishonesty

Excuses

Excuses are justifications people make for not doing what they’re expected to do. More excuses, lead to more inaction. 

And people feeling entitled are better at giving excuses than taking action.

The biggest mistake you’ll make is to give the same excuses, over and over again that you’re known for your excuses.

No one would believe any more word from you.

Laziness and complete risk aversion: 

Feeling entitled can breed laziness. When you feel entitled towards your goals; you’ll gear towards comfort than taking any form of risk.

It’s easier to binge on Netflix than read a book, watch funny videos than go through a course.

Fact is you’re only successful when you keep learning & applying not by complaining & dishing out more excuses.

Entitlement can wreck your health.

You probably didn’t see this coming. Maybe you least expected it, but the best way to improve your health is to take more personal responsibility.

It applies especially to your dietary choices, physical activity & sleep routines. These are the things people can give you advise, provide professional help but no one can do for you yet contribute a large chunk to your physical and mental health.

When you feel entitled to having good health; you’ll be quick to dismiss the role personal responsibility plays to how you feel. 

You don’t want to get to a stage where you get so out of touch with your body & the food you eat daily is messing up your world; yet you have no clue.

“Oh it runs in my family”

There’s nothing I can really do about it.”

Quit thinking this way. Yes you may have zero control over your genetics. But your lifestyle choices especially your diet, physical & mental fitness lies 100% within your control.

So what’s on the other side of Entitlement mentality – its the mindset of overcoming entitlement.

Learn how to deal with entitlement mentality.

9 ways to overcome entitlement mentality 

1) Be a Giver

The more entitled you feel about life the more you only want to receive.

The best way to receive is to give. .

Generosity is great and attractive but Entitlement is bad. It’s a form of low sense of personal responsibility.

You can’t build high-quality, long term relationships on entitlements.

Look for ways to add value to other people’s lives and contribute meaningfully even when you won’t be fully rewarded.

2) Practice gratitude & Complain less 

Have you ever met people you put a whole lot of effort for and instead of saying “thank you” first, they ask you why X and Y is not complete?

The key is to move from Entitlement to Gratitude. A simple shift in perspective that can change everything.

A sense of entitlement often comes from a feeling of dissatisfaction with what one has. Practicing gratitude can help shift your focus from what you don’t have to what you do have and help reduce feelings of ungratefulness which can lead to entitlement.

Gratitude is how you heal old wounds, improve relationships, minimize complaining and a door way to more opportunities. 

Stop sleeping on gratitude … practice gratitude daily.

3) Put in the Effort 

Put in the work required to produce results by taking action daily.

People with an entitlement mentality often expect things to be handed to them without having to put in any effort.

Putting in extra effort, even when it’s not required, can help you overcome this mindset.

4) Practice Self-Discipline

Self-Discipline is the first step to taking ownership in life. Discipline is the tool you use to solve problems in life.

And according to Scott Perck in The Road Less Travelled, there are four tools of discipline: delaying of gratification, acceptance of responsibility, dedication to truth, and balancing.

None of the tools mentioned above can take place when you feel entitled to life but are best us ed when you take full responsibility.

5) Complain less

Make an effort to complain less. Of course Gratitude is the antidote but be conscious of your complain habit.

Complaining doesn’t solve problems. It doesn’t build strategy or even encourage others. People can learn to avoid you if you’re always complaining.

If you spend your time focusing on the things that are wrong, and that’s what you express and project to people you know, you don’t become a source of growth for people, you become a source of destruction for people.

That draws more destruction. More significantly, complaining leads to less self-awareness.

6) Give up the struggle for control

Most people dealing with entitlement mentality have power/control issues to deal with.

Surrendering can lead to true freedom from entitlement thinking

7) Avoid comparing yourself with others

Comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to breed resentment and discontentment.

X did this …so i must do that to look cool.

If you find yourself comparing your life favorably or unfavorably to others’, remind yourself that everyone’s journey is unique.

8) Get comfortable with being uncomfortable 

Remember, learn any skill you wish with few hours of focused work daily with hardwork and focused action without depending on luck, favours or handouts.

Its possible to toxic habits such as smoking, porn, booze or a job you hate or porn; with just a little dedication and learning to say no.

Associate with people that take you towards your goals.

You can do anything you wish if you set your mind to it.

Choose courage over comfort.

9) Lead with love and kindness

Sometimes the simplest remedy to any feeling of entitlement is just to learn to love again.

How would you act if you love yourself?

Be kind to yourself and others.

“Nice is weak, superficial an enabling. Nice goes along to get along.

Kind is having the strength to say the hard things to someone out of love for them. It is confrontational. It takes courage. Be kind.”

Benefits of Overcoming Entitlement mentality 

1) Purpose

On the other side of entitlement, purpose exists. The richest people still work because money was not the only motivation behind the work.

Success gets to a level where work is now a choice, rather than a need. So they cling to their purpose and keep delivering value.

2) Better health 

The idea that everything about your health is genetic and you have zero control is flawed.

Worse is the notion that we’ll all gon die someday, so enjoy life to the fullest. Enjoying life does not in any way mean doing things that you know are wrecking your health.

Create an environment that supports your fitness goals – don’t keep junk food in your house.

3) Success in life

Overcoming entitlement mentality is key to happiness and leading a successful life.

You attract more opportunities and possibilities once you eliminate entitlement mentality that does not serve you.

CONCLUSION 

Entitlement mentality makes one always give excuses and justifications to why they should get certain things instead of earning them. Once you overcome entitlement mentality, you start to regain trust from people and take action that take you closer to your goals.

People tolerate this to a certain point till they realize you’re better at giving excuses than results.

If you want to change your life for good; flip that – minimize your excuses and focus on the steps that you can take that would yield results.

Categories
Personal Development Lifestyle

The Ultimate Guide to Taking Ownership of Your Life: 9 Key Strategies for Success

What does it mean to take ownership of your life? Nothing gives you more power than the ability to fully take ownership.

I never really thought of how much I complained a day until I saw how much it had been creeping into my life.

It had gradually become part of me that I was focusing on 1000 reasons why things would not work out, how this person or the other was messing up, why you couldn’t blame me for such problems.

Yes, I was stuck. Everybody around was now knowing much of my personal problems and I was becoming uncomfortable.

That’s when it started hitting me; I didn’t want to be such person.

I remembered I had learned about taking more responsibility some time back and had decided to take more ownership in life.

“Implementing Extreme Ownership requires checking your ego and operating with a high degree of humility. Admitting mistakes, taking ownership, and developing a plan to overcome challenges are integral to any successful team.”

Leaders must own everything in their world. There is no one else to blame.”

― Jocko Willink, Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win.

It all starts with taking 100% Responsibility.

I stumbled across Jack Canfield book “Success Principles” on my journey to self-development.

One of the first principles he wrote about was how take 100% responsibility for your life and to completely desist from complaining.

It struck me to try it out and the benefits I experienced were enormous.

But lately, I had forgotten all this, I was sharing my problems indiscriminately mostly to people who could do nothing about it.

That’s when I decided to meditate more on this – how does complaining affects your willpower?

What power do you really have over problems rather than merely complaining and I put down my thoughts below:

To every problem that disturbs us, we basically have 4 options; you could:
1) Ignore it
2) Try to Suppress it
3) Accept it;
4) Change it

The first option may work for little things we care barely about but in reality may not work for most of the problems we face.

Suppressing it – is mostly counterproductive. It may work temporarily but resurfaces after a while and we’re back to the same problem or even worse.

Accepting it is mostly one of the hardest options as we mostly use this option as our last resort. It’s hardest because we don’t want to feel cheated or weak in front of others.

Changing it is actually how to solve problems. Most problems won’t go away unless we act on them.

This is also where most people fall into the “Complaining trap” as there’s a huge difference between talking about something and doing anything about it.

To be honest, it is also when we talk about problems that we can actually gain advise from others; so talking about problems isn’t entirely bad.

What’s stupid and counterproductive is just talking for “talking sake.” Listening to advise upon advise but doing nothing about it.

It’s what differentiates Successful people and unsuccessful people: “doing” rather than merely talking.

Not just anything but taking the right steps towards their problems. 

How to take ownership of your own life? 

1. Become more self-aware;

Make it a practice that you could think more before you talk, pause each time you catch yourself complaining and consciously decide to eradicate this habit.

2. Meditation/Journaling:

Write out your thoughts – journal to see the full picture. You’d be amazed by the clarity in your thinking.

Meditation will help you focus on the few things that actually matter.

3. Differentiate between seeking for advise and complaining

One leads to taking action; the other is a vicious cycle of seeking sympathy.

4. Say no to things you’d rather not do:

The most overwhelmed people are the people who can’t say no … no to their desires, no to external influence, no to other people’s requests, no to change even when it becomes obviously necessary.

Take control of your schedule

It’s possible to focus on the most valuable use of your time and to discipline yourself to continually work on those few activities that contribute the greatest value to your work and business.

That’s the art of doing less, but better and ultimately complains less.

5. Focus on taking more action and finding solutions;

Taking action requires courage.

What you do today determines tomorrow’s result. This is by far one of the most important point.

“Mastery doesn’t come from an infographic … it’s not what you know, it’s what you do consistently.” – Tony Robbins

Set clear goals and work towards them

The biggest motivation to keep taking action is when you set clear goals. Even if you don’t meet them – it gives you a sense of control of your life since your have targets you’re working towards.

E.g. when i started writing online, i had a goal of writing everyday which i did through NotePD.

After realizing that goal, i decided to drop it down to publishing at least once a week to make it more realistic but still writing everyday.

This has given me the freedom to focus on other things that are important to me while still keeping the blog active.

6. Do hard shit

Are you complaining more because you’re underestimating how much effort you need to put it to execute or you’re basically trying to pass time while you skip doing work you know you should be doing?

If you’re not doing any hard shit, you’re going to get bored:

7. Surround yourself with people steps ahead of you.

Your success depends on with whom are you spending your time.

Associate yourself with people who are likely to improve you – not complain further with you.

8. Get mentorship 

You can either try to do everything on your own and learn shit the hard way or smoothen the process through mentorship/coaching.

Coaching is an invaluable tool that can help individuals reach their full potential as it can help you become empowered and take ownership of  your life and provide you with the tools and resources to create lasting change.

Here’s a post one of my Mentors in the space made even while she was at a point in the hospital bed:

Something I’ve noticed in my mentor 8 figures), and EVERY self-made millionaire is that they don’t complain, EVER.
Because as soon as we complain, we give up ownership.
And if we don’t take ownership over our life, we can’t control where we’re going – Coach Lea Botchler.

9. Take 100% responsibility for your life 

Whatever you do in life, go with the mindset that it is all on you.

Assume the responsibilities of the CEO of your life. Stop shying away from challenges.

Never settle!!! You should never be satisfied and always try to improve your habits and goals.

CONCLUSION

Finally, we all need to get comfortable with focusing on the things we can change and accepting things we cannot. This way you realize there’s no point whining or wasting time on such.

With this mindset, you quickly realize there’s no one coming to save you and you have to take ownership of your mess.
⁣

Because at the end of the day, nothing gives you more power than the ability to take full ownership of the goals you want to achieve and the person you want to become.

 

 

Categories
Personal Development Entrepreneurship Lifestyle

Why you need to build a strong Foundation for success

The best way to maintain success is on a Solid foundation.

Too many times in a bid to succeed with others we’re tempted to skip the process.

This process may be different for each of us as our “learning phase” may differ.

Mastering the fundamentals

Amateurs skip the fundamentals in a bid to focus on the “big stuff.”
Professionals have expertise primarily because they have hold of the “small stuff”

If you want to become good at anything; take time to master the fundamentals not just once but deliberately return to it.

I found more examples of this difference between Amateurs and professionals from a tweet from Sahil Bloom; a few of them include:

“Amateurs love the prize, Professionals love the process.

Amateurs blame others, Professionals are accountable

Amateurs fear being wrong, Professionals enjoy it.

Amateurs hope for good breaks, Professionals create them.

Amateurs enter the arena with their fingers crossed. Professionals enter the arena with a plan.

Amateurs are a part of their environment, Professionals are the master of it.

Amateurs attribute success to skill and failure to luck, Professionals understand the role of both.

Amateurs fear incompetence, Professionals own it.

Amateurs fear failure, Professionals embrace it

Amateurs make it look effortful, Professionals make it look effortless via practice.

Amateurs are flashy, Professionals are relentless.

Amateurs are patient with actions and impatient with results. Professionals are impatient with actions and patient with results

Amateurs act quickly, Professionals act methodically.

Amateurs let the day come to them, Professionals have a routine.

Amateurs try to be good at everything. Professionals identify their unique edge and exploit it. 

The fundamentals become responsible for majority of your success.

What is a solid foundation for success?

A solid foundation has a purpose (your why), character and values, is patient (long term), has a plan (vision), competence and is still flexible enough.

To always take time to do things right should be your goal.

“Measure twice. Cut once”

If it matters to you can always create time for it. Everyone’s situation is different but we figure out how to get it done if we really want to get it done.

Flexibility 

Be flexible enough so you can embrace change as change is the only thing constant.

Your values cannot align with every opportunity that comes your way.

Saying No 

You have to be comfortable with saying no to interesting opportunities that does not align with your purpose and values.

Make plans

if you don’t have a plan for yourself you become part of someone else’s plan on achieving their dreams.

Competence 

Experience is the best teacher. But smart people also invest the time to learn from others experience.

Have a Vision

Where do you want to be in five years’ time? You can create a vision board to keep you focused.

Are you leaning on the Right wall?

Steve Covey proposed a remarkable idea on making sure you’re leaning on the right wall.

Imagine a kid who cheats his way to study a “professional” course. How much meaning and fulfillment would it provide him compared to one that took his time to burn candles to study?

At whatever you do, if you have no solid foundation in getting to the top, you won’t find it funny when you fall.

Enjoy the process

Life has its ups and downs.

The key is to “enjoy the process” which might not be as smooth as you expected but you can still learn a whole lot from it if you take time to reflect on it.

It’s okay to fail.

No matter how many times you fail, keep going.

Getting to the root of problems

The key to preventing and addressing problems more permanently is to tackle them from their roots.

Why do problems take more time to solve and cause more damage? When we only address “symptoms” and avoid tackling problems from their roots.

Sometimes we make the mistake of ignoring them completely thinking they’ll go away. But they hardly do.

Getting to the root of problems also has to do with minimizing assumptions.

Quit toxic habits 

Quit any toxic habit that isn’t adding value to your life such as porn.

Quitting isn’t a cure all for your life problems – but it’s the foundation, a ploughed field in which you can sow seeds for a new future that isn’t bedevilled by the secrecy and shame that comes with falling into the seemingly inescapable pit of porn-related despair that so many of us know.

A life of hope and strength – not jizzy tissues, jealousy, bitterness, self-hatred, resentment and unfulfilled dreams. – Anonymous (Your Brain on Porn)

Avoid the Faulty foundation

If you can’t defend it, you don’t know it.  No matter how far you go, at one point or another, you’ll need to defend any role or title you play or own.

At such point those that fail the most, quit or cannot get back up are people with faulty foundations.

Be willing to undergo mental and physical transformation

To win physically you have to win mentally.

It doesn’t matter if its losing weight, becoming financially free, learning a skill; you need to deal with the things going on in your heart and head else you’re going to stay stuck.

Categories
Entrepreneurship Lifestyle Personal Development

10 Ways to Be a Student of Life

Key examples of people that were students of life are the likes of Benjamin Franklin and Winston Churchill.

Schools teach you to pass tests, exams and pursue certificates.

The certificates suggest how good you are in any discipline.

But becoming a “student of life” is not something any paper can fully specify; it’s irrespective of your level of “formal education.”

What does it mean to become a student of life?

It simply means to be focused on learning and growth rather than stagnation of the mind.

You recognize and accept the fact that we’re never done learning. You train yourself to constantly see and study a lot of how the world works.

It’s more of “Kaizen” like the Japanese would say – which means constant and never ending improvement.

You’re always learning at this University. And this is the “University of all universities” simply referred to as the universe.

You never stop learning of the universe which you’re a part of and which surrounds you.

You shouldn’t be waiting until you’re sick to start living a healthy lifestyle.
Dont wait until you’re broke to build a business.
You shouldn’t be waiting until you feel completely empty to nurture your soul.

How to become a student of life?

1) Be Open-minded:

Being willing to be taught and open to suggestion.

“Wonder is the beginning of wisdom.” — Socrates

2) Listen more

The best way to learn during conversations is to listen more than you talk.

3) Ask questions

Being genuinely curious and asking intelligent questions signifies strength not weakness.
You clear assumptions, move faster in life.

Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.” — Samuel Johnson

4) Studying

Studying is probably one of the most important tip you can develop to become a student of life.  Less  of Netflix, more of books.

“In my whole life, I have known no wise people (over a broad subject matter area) who didn’t read all the time – none, zero.” — Charlie Munger

5) Patience

When you’re interested in learning; you’re more focused on long-term benefits rather than short-term gains. It’s about being willing to go through “temporary” anxiety and hardship.

“The path of spiritual growth is a path of lifelong learning.” — M. Scott Peck

6) Rethink your assumptions

One of the clearest signs of learning is rethinking your assumptions and revising your opinions – Adam Grant.

“Knowledge has to be improved, challenged and increased constantly, or it vanishes.” — Peter Drucker

7) Have a purpose

Your purpose is your drive in any endeavor and is evident when you put your mission above your ego. Be inquisitive with a purpose.

8) Choose Discipline

The true cost of a better life is in dropping bad habits, learning new ones, remaining undeterred even after failure or rejection.

9) Be Consistent

Getting better is hardly out of luck but putting in the work and consistently showing up.

10) Get out of your comfort zone

Staying out of your comfort zone is key to happiness, confidence and daily growth.
Every day, every encounter is an opportunity to learn, learn about new things and people.

“The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don’t know.” — Albert Einstein

It’s a fun way to evolve physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

The goal is to make this year better than last year and you avoid repeating major mistakes no matter how old you are.

Categories
Personal Development Entrepreneurship

How to find your purpose: 4 steps to finding your purpose in life

How did you find your purpose or are you still seeking it?

To some people, it’s easy to talk about purpose, vision, mission etc; while to some of us it’s been doing what works best and even striving to be a little better every day without too much thinking of what the future looks like.

Whatever it is for you presently – finding your purpose is something everyone will eventually find time to ponder. 

Unfortunately, to many people it happens more on their death bed.

“How much of my life did I commit to what’s truly important and meaningful to me?”

As you can guess, it takes a little effort; time and reflections to know what you’re actually good at and focusing on it.

But we know its not as easy as can be said;

1) Our interest changes over time – You can start out with a particular course, die hard loyal to an interest; life event happens – you could decide to pursue another interest.

2) Talents vs work – some of us are very talented in particular fields, some less talented – yet we might find ourselves in the same work or field despite our degree of talents.

To add salt to the injury; you might find someone worse than you heading you, or making more money than you.

With all these challenges, mentioned; it’s NOT an excuse to work on ourselves.

How to find your purpose in life?

1. Start with why

There is ONLY ONE way to escape a situation where you feel stuck and lead the life you’ve always wanted.

Starting with your why is the key to running your business or career from a heartfelt space from love, joy, passion, purpose, fulfilment, and true alignment.

Wakeup with intention and purpose to create the life you want, then go make it a reality ✨️

2. Help or serve others

When you find purpose in serving people, as a byproduct, you will live an incredibly fulfilled life.⁣

Why focus on serving others? 

As a guide, which is where I’m driving at – the more you commit to service and helping others; the easier this path is going to be for you.

“𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬” – 𝐆𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐡𝐢.

It does not mean being a “Yes-man” or engaging in stuff you hate just to please others.

Its finding that thing you can do that seems like play to you but perceived as WORK to others.

For me it’s through Entrepreneurship, helping others stay healthy through simple lifestyle choices, habits and helping others reach their full potential by being the best of their selves daily.

Here’s how a Coach and Mentor, Luka put it:

Money is a reflection of how many people you are serving and how well you do that⁣⁣.
⁣
Money is a reflection of the amount of lives you are IMPACTING.⁣
⁣
Adopting this view has not only helped me create more fulfillment & find more meaning in what I do..⁣⁣⁣⁣

3. Experiment 

You choose your own purpose based on what makes you happy (not necessarily comfortable).

Till you know what to decide, experiment.

Take in new hobbies, search what exists in the world, close your eyes, imagine doing it and see how it makes you feel.

To most of us; we might need to do a whole lot of shit, try different paths, execute several ideas, before finding that path which actually gives us life the most.

Here are some questions to ponder about right now;

1. What do I feel inspired by? Follow your joy. Its where ur purpose is.

2. What am I particularly talented at?

Ask yourself  what you’ll do if you won a million dollars – what you feel in your heart calls to you.

That way you find something you’re passionate about. Combining passion with what you’re interested in and also choose to do – makes a great choice!

3. What needs significant change in the world?

4. Build a Strong Mindset

Decide, believe, take action, and achieve anything you want, because you can.

Whether you feel you have a purpose or not, realize that no one is coming to save you!

Make a decision that you’re going to change your life completely and stick to it.

Why you should find your purpose

  1. Get clear on some form of direction you want to go in.
  2. Build trust in yourself and that you are worthy enough, so that you get more out of life.

Once you start finding yourself; its time to start living more intentional.

What is the quickest way to find your purpose in life?

Your purpose in life isn’t just gonna manifest out of thin air

You need to find your purpose and get clear about the next steps in your life.

  1. Set an Aim
  2. Make a Plan
  3. Find your purpose and live in it

Go after it every single day.

 

Categories
Personal Development Lifestyle

7 important lessons you can learn from failure in your 20s

kid getting back up after falling
Failure moment

Going through failure in your 20s may seem beyond devastating at the time. But when you reflect on the lessons afterwards you’ll forever remain thankful that you didn’t give up.

Your 20s are a time to experience lots of triumph, failure, love, heartbreak, amazing highs and crushing lows. You may meet friends that you may never meet again in life.

Most of us have been trained to avoid failures. We’ll do everything we can to avoid the pain & embarrassment that comes with failure.

But each failure carries within it some positive benefits that are hardly learned from success.

No matter how many times a kid falls, he never remains on the ground and wonders if he’ll ever walk. He keeps trying & trying until he finally learns to walk. 

I have learned from “Failure” to be motivated and persistent and vigil. I’m thankful for more life because those early failures served as valuable lessons to learn from today. It’s not over even if you think it is, keep fighting.

Perspective, patience and lots of focused attention helps.

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What life lessons can you learn from Failure in your 20s?

1. Failure opens your mind to learning and growth

Every time you fail – you can learn something:

“A finer way to make change.”

“Clues on how to do better”

Why is learning from failure important in your 20s?

Growth and development comes from recognizing our failures and knowing what we can do to improve and change.

Failure should be seen as action that just didn’t work out well. You can try again and even better next time. And again and again until you achieve your goal.

In you 20s and beyond, there’s no such thing as failure, only learning experience. Embrace them. Failure is when you REFUSE to learn from falling.

“Failure is most useful when you give your best effort. If you fail with a lackluster effort, you haven’t learned much. Perhaps you could have succeeded with a proper focus. But if your best effort fails, you have learned something valuable: this way doesn’t work.” – James Clear.

It reminds you to focus on the goal not the setbacks. No matter how long it takes, you can still achieve a dream if you just don’t give up.

You realize each failure brings you closer towards your goals.

And failure can just be seen as just a feedback.

Think of a Final year student that gets expelled when caught cheating. He’ll most likely say to himself, “if only I allowed myself fail that course, than trying to cheat.”

3. Failure teaches you to be nimble and bounce back faster

Think of David Goggins, in “Can’t Hurt me,” after going through a lot he was able to learn how to callous his mind and see failure as an opportunity to try again. Yes you can learn how to be patient with your goals from failure but it’s more rewarding to learn how to bounce back faster.

Learning how to handle setbacks means that you will be better equipped to deal with difficult situations in the future.
Failure teaches you why giving up is never the answer by understanding that every failure is an opportunity to learn and grow.

You can learn the importance of perseverance from failure; never give up on your dreams and persist through the tough times.

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seems to be no hope at all – Dale Carnegie.

4. Failure makes you Humble

How does failure make you humble? First, you don’t need to wait until you fail in life to be humble.

Success can be a very good teacher, however, we do usually learn more from failure because the outcome is unexpected.

What can you learn from your biggest mistake?

You certainly would need to take responsibility and admit your errors to learn anything from failure. 

How does failure affect a person?

It reinforces the fact that we can have different levels of education, class and societal status but never superior to another. We all can mistakes. We all can be corrected by others.

5. Failure helps you get out of your Comfort zone

If you’re afraid of failing – you may never grow or know the limit of your mind.

Think of climbing Everest, the first flight, exploring Space, breaking a Guinness Record.

This is what happens when you push yourself out of your comfort zone. Yes they practiced with lots of effort; but they were willing to fail.

Jack ma once made a statement:

“To be successful – don’t just learn from other people’s success story – learn from their mistakes.”

This has a positive effect on your mind – and whenever you experience such, your mind is already prepared.

Failure takes out fear if you let it  

So many people live their lives in fear of what could go wrong. There’s certainly a level of wisdom in being cautious and knowing your limits; but where majority of your decisions are based on fear, there got to be a problem.

Fear of failure is a powerful trait that helps nobody. It’s a conditioning we have as security but it’s an irrational fear.

You’ve got to expose yourself sometimes to what you fear the most; and you see the fear vanish afterwards.

You grow a backbone and become a stronger human which leads to victory.

6. Failure builds Character and allows you see the Big picture

How does failure strengthen a person?

You appreciate light more when in darkness. Every time you experience the others side of what you want you have a better perspective of life with what you learn from it.

Sometimes bad things happen to good people and there’s nothing you can do about it except pick yourself back up and carry on.
Failure can make you stronger and more resilient – if you let it.

7. Failure teaches you “What Not to Do” and how to turn your failures to Success 

Failure teaches you “one more thing that doesn’t work.”

By learning from your mistakes, you can figure out what not to do the next time you fail.

Don’t let your failures define you in your 20s – but let them show you what to do differently next time.

You can learn from your mistakes by taking the time to analyze what went wrong and making sure not to repeat those mistakes in the future.

How to Turn Your Failure Into a Success

You can learn how to turn failure into success by understanding what went wrong and using that knowledge to improve your chances of success in the future.

Use your failures as motivation to turn your life around and achieve success.

Sometimes failure is necessary for you to get where you want to go – all the reward goes to the one that doesn’t give up and learns all the lessons failure offers.

“My goal is not to fail fast. My goal is to succeed over the long run. They are not the same thing.”  – Mark Andreessen.

Can failure be a learning Experience?

Experience they say is the best teacher. Yes, we can learn from other’s experiences. But your failures are part of your story which you can learn from and tell others about.

I love a tweet from a Coach Steve Springer:

“Our job as a coach is to help the player learn quicker through our experiences of the failures and successes in our career-to shorten his/her learning span and become a better player earlier than if they where to experience there failures and successes on there own to learn.”

Why do we experience failure? Your failures are part of your personal experiences which you can learn from and tell others about.

You can’t buy experience. You can’t fake it. It’s your story which you can share to the world and use to connect to others as people love stories they can relate to.

Can failure make a person stronger?

I appreciate people that view life with a perspective like this:

“Failure has never hurt me. It’s what i do with the failures that will make or break me.”

We can learn to accept imperfection as a gift. We also gain the knowledge to be better prepared in the future for what life throws away.

CONCLUSION

In your 20s, failure teaches you to respect who you are still becoming by – stumbling, falling, and getting up repeatedly. Its decade of life lessons, love, laughter, tears, success, failure and much more!

What do you call someone who goes out of their comfort zone? That’s the perspective of a winner.

Growth doesn’t mean perfection. Strive to be honest, admit to failures, learn to ask for and to give forgiveness, love, and allow yourself to be loved. ― Farshad Asl.

Categories
Personal Development Lifestyle

Are generous people more attractive?

Is generosity attractive? Are you a generous person?

There’s something attractive about being a Giver. It’s the reason people like to be around them.

It’s their abundance mentality and possibility mindset that makes people love to associate with them.

Take for example the study by Konrath and Femida Handy in Indiana University that confirms givers as seen to be more attractive:

They examined peoples giving behavior and compared them to their physical attractiveness rating and there was remarkable consistently in these ratings.

They concluded that “people who are perceived as more attractive are more likely to give and givers are seen as more attractive.”

The Evolutionary Advantage of Generosity:

From an evolutionary perspective, it is thought that individuals who are generous and altruistic may have had an advantage in early human societies. For example, in hunter-gatherer societies, individuals who were willing to share resources such as food and shelter may have been more likely to be chosen as mates and to receive social support from others in the community.

Additionally, in times of scarcity, individuals who were willing to give up some of their resources to help others may have increased the likelihood that the group as a whole would survive. In other words, a generous individual may have helped ensure the survival of the group, which in turn would have increased their own chances of survival and reproduction.

This evolutionary advantage of generosity may help explain why we are often drawn to individuals who exhibit generous behavior.

Are you a Giver or a Taker?

There are givers and takers in life.

Unlike being a giver; it’s easy to be a taker: Feel entitled, use up what you have disproportionately and always asking for more.

But the hard truth is people would tolerate Takers only to a point. 

Being a taker would only make life miserable for people around you; as they’ll always be complaining and murmuring about your attitude even behind you back.

The abundance mentality givers have is what works for their favour.

Why is Generosity important in life?

Givers never lack

It sounds counterintuitive – when you keep giving it’s expected that you should start lacking at a point.

But it turns out true givers hardly get to the point of lack. While they’re known for giving and helping others, the irony is they’re also helping themselves.

The attitude they possess teaches them how not to just use their resources more appropriately than others but also how to keep multiplying their wealth to greater heights.

To be a giver – the well of water which you dig from must be deep enough which for me is having the right attitude.  

Givers are the happiest

Increase your happiness by giving. Giving is on the other side of entitlement and increases your happiness as it increases your sense of worth and fulfillment.

Giving increases contentment and inner joy

Real contentment is not the state of your bank account but the state of your heart.

When you give you show a sense of control on your resources and it gives a sense of contentment with what you have instead of looking for more at that moment.

9 ways to be a “Giver” without spending money?

In case you think I’m referring to only money – givers realize you don’t just give with money; but with other currencies worth more than money.

1) Give your Time

People who are only available when they need you are nothing but takers. You gotta develop the habit of being there for people when they need you.

Give your time to your loved ones. Give your time to those who value it.
I like the “five minutes favour rule” – “You should be willing to do something that will take you five minutes or less for anybody.”

2) Be a Support

The most enjoyable relationships are relationships where no partner is dependent on another.

Always think of how you can add value to others lives –simply by being considerate and attentive to the needs and concerns of others.

3) Build others

Do you remember how you finally learned a skill you wanted to learn so badly?

Mostly likely you learned it from someone either physically or digitally through a course whether paid or not.

When you teach others – you implant a seed in them that can sprout to unimaginable heights. That’s why we read books, watch informational youtube videos, buy courses etc.

4) Be of Service

At a point when I was the most selfish in my life – someone advised me to focus on service towards others and it changed my life.

I was looking at life by eliminating whatever stressed me out but he was viewing life through the lens of service towards humanity.

Through service you can help those who can’t help themselves – that why various volunteering services such as Red Cross and establishments like hospitals, the Army, Navy, and all military organizations exist.

5) Gratitude

Giving is a mindset thing. Once you have a mindset of giving; it doesn’t matter how small it is – you can give small things like a smile, a thank you or any small token to show gratitude.

Gratitude costs nothing yet many people choose to dwell on an awful past when you can be grateful for today.

6) Help others

Helping people is at the core of all givers mentality. There are few people we know we could always reach out for help. Its different from taking responsibility for others. It’s doing the best you can to transform the lives of others and make a difference.

7) Share with others

When you view life with an abundance mindset – you love to share what you have with others. You don’t want to eat alone when you neighbor has nothing.

Sharing is the attitude we should start cultivating early in our children – so they find it natural to share what they have with their peers. Giving gives you more than getting can ever get you.

8) Mentorship

It’s not enough to be good at what you do – but if you pass without impacting on anybody’s lives you never really succeeded.

It’s important we’re proactive about mentorship by identifying people willing to learn and building structures for such people to easily learn from us without it affecting our mental health.

9) Positive Energy

There’s a dull and negative energy you hold when you’re only expecting to receive from others. Contrary to the positive and bright energy givers radiate because they possess more confidence, gratitude and attractiveness.

You attract the energy that you give off. Giving is how you attract positive energy from the universe. Put a smile on someone’s face.

Read on NotePD

CONCLUSION

Be a giver – give your time care, attention, appreciation.

Givers are attractive!

 

Categories
Personal Development

10 Simple Steps To Letting Go Of Your Insecurities

Are you thinking of ways you can let go of insecurities from both past and present?

If you don’t take hold of your insecurities they’ll scoop out all your energy.

Nobody has everything all figured out.

Signs you’re dealing with insecurity

Insecurities drain out your energy and can feed so much on emotions such as fear and hate.

  • When you ask questions all day instead of taking actions; you’re feeding on your fears.
  • When you have to tell others how much money you make or spend unnecessarily you’re feeding on your insecurity.
  • Insecurity about who your partner talks easily kills relationship.
  • Debating strangers online stems from insecurity and uncertainty.

One day you’re full of confidence but the next day your insecurities are eating you alive.

Get rid of the self doubt that’s holding you back by following these ten steps.

These article is a 10-step guide on how to let go of insecurities as insecurity can affect your relationships, health, and confidence.

10 Simple Steps To Letting Go Of Your Insecurities

1) Find your why

Identify where your insecurity are come from.

9/10 it often comes from what the society, family & friends told you from a young age.

A solid WHY would help you align with your purpose.

Then you can focus on what keeps you DRIVEN.

2) Be aware of your insecurity and don’t make fun of others insecurities.

Pinpointing the root of your self-doubt will help you tackle it head-on.

You got to stay away from people who expose your insecurities as a joke infront of others!

Often at times, hate is born from insecurities that some are unable to overcome from within.

3) Think Growth.

Stay hungry and you’ll always grow. When you feel you’ve arrived, you leave no room for growth.

Having a growth mindset is the only way to learn.

4) Discipline and humble yourself.

Ego is hardly out of humility and indiscipline manifests itself easily in how you act.

With self-discipline you can control yourself no matter how much you have in your bank account.

The key is unless you’re motivating someone into joining or succeeding in a business; you have no gain bragging about how much you make.

5) Think Abundance

Do you really feel you or your industry is special?

With an abundance mindset, you realize anybody can make it with consistency, discipline and hardwork.

Think again, because any can succeed by just putting their minds in what they do.

6) Ditch unnecessary competition

Don’t allow yourself to be swayed by other people’s projections. Don’t aim for Competition, aim for value.

“Life is a competition with yourself – not others. And if you want to win, you must make it easy for yourself.”

Like Peter Thiel says – Competition is for Losers. Easier said than done, but compare yourself to nobody but yourself.

7) Be a Giver

The cure for insecurity about wealth is giving. No one has ever become poor by giving!

Generosity does help.

9. Always Be Honest With Yourself

When you sit still in your own company, you have nowhere to hide and nowhere to run, so you are forced to confront your demons, insecurities, and other problems.

The only option left at this point is to be absolutely honest with yourself. It can feel liberating to address the things that have been weighing on your mind.

10. Let go

Freedom from insecurities is found in letting go.

Let go from what you think should happen. It’s never too late to reinvent yourself.

Letting go of your insecurities in your relationships

Sometimes we feel the need to let “haters” know we made it. That feeling of “they were wrong – I was right.”

That business your close friends, family and contemporaries thought cannot be enough to feed a family is now making bank and you feel the need to let the whole world know.

Except of course you’re doing it out of motivation to help others.

When you take the time to think through what you say always – a lot may be due to insecurity.

It also happens to parents. They hustled so hard to make it – and now they’re living large they don’t want their kids to undergo any form of suffering – so they give them all they ask so they won’t pass though anything they passed through.

The question is not whether these actions are good or bad.

But how much of it is due to feeling unsecured about the present, future and what others say about you.

 

Categories
Lifestyle Personal Development

How Much Money Do You Need To Be Happy? 9 Ways To Rethink Wealth

How much money do you need in your bank account to be happy? The decision to decide how much money you really need is made out of discipline, gratitude and wisdom.

And like any decision made out of discipline, the reward usually far exceeds the sacrifice – hence the need to rethink wealth.

My favourite example is Vishien and his wife of Mindvalley when he decided $4000 a month (as at then) was enough to provide for him & his family. Finally deciding to qui t his job when his side hustle could make such amount.

If he never for once thought of how much was enough; he probably wouldn’t have built Mindvalley to where it is today. Now imagine a FRIEND that has spending problems.

And each time your ask her how much money she really needs to be satisfied – she responds with “zero“, and claims “expenses go up with your bank account.” It sounds smart at the moment but long term is nothing but a trap.

5 Ways To Rethink Wealth:

1) How Much Money Do You Need To Live A Comfortable Life?

Rethinking the amount of money needed to bring happiness: First, the idea that your expenses go up with how much you make is true but still under your control.

Some people believe that you need a lot of money to live comfortably, but this is not always the case. There are many ways to save money and live an affordable lifestyle.

For example, you can cook at home instead of eating out, live in a smaller apartment for a while, cancel most subscriptions; save up for the period of time needed.

2) Second is rethinking what you know as fortune.

We often think that we need a certain amount of money to be happy, but this is not necessarily true. Money is just one of the things contribute to happiness.

There are some things that money can buy, such as cars, houses, etc but many others can’t be bought directly with money e.g. Health.

Wealth is not just found in money; but good health, being present, mental health, clarity, in self-care etc. If you redefine what wealth means to you, you may find that you already have everything you need.

3) Third, realize that Happiness is within.

It is possible to be happy without a lot of money if you focus on other aspects of your life. Some researchers believe that money does play a role in happiness which is true to an extent, but it’s not the only factor.

What Makes People Happy? No job, purchase or amount you make would make you happy forever as they are ephemeral. The only true happiness is within.

4) The Power of Experiences Over Things

Most people believe that more money will make them happier, but this is not always the case. There is a strong relationship between money and happiness, but it is not always linear.

Many people believe that experiences are more important than things, and this can lead to a more fulfilling life.

5) Wealth is often not a show

The world is filled with people who appear modest but are millionaires, and people who look rich but are broke or almost bankrupt.

You will not build wealth no matter how much you earn unless your income than how much you spend.

6) What’s more Important to sustain wealth?

Getting wealthy is one thing, staying wealthy is another. The former is easier than the latter.

There’s a million ways to get money – take risks, put yourself out there and be optimistic.

To keep money you need to be ready to put up with a combination of discipline, frugality and paranoia.

7) It’s who you’re becoming that matters a lot.

Not what you have or earn. Its not about being something you’re not, it’s about becoming who you really are.

Your internal world is everything, for you to achieve any level of success, you have to align your state of mind to that of someone who is successful.

8) Controlling your time is the highest dividend money pays

Financial freedom is about having the freedom to do what you want, when you want, with whom you want, for as long as you want to do it.

It doesn’t mean you’ll never work again. Or you need millions to achieve a comfortable life.

It means your financial status now affords you the flexibility to spend your time working on t he things you love.

9) Choose to pursue lifelong education in order to prosper and be happier.

You can increase your income by learning more. Ensure you will study from:

  • Coaches/Mentors
  • Books
  • Guides
  • Podcasting
  • Documentary films

Poor people hinder their ability to develop money by stopping their education after school.

Gaining knowledge enables you to make more informed decisions.
Making wiser choices increases wealth.

CONCLUSION 

Fact is money does buy happiness to an extent … earning money and not to have to worry about it is the key. Its about finding the balance of what you need, what you want and keeping gratitude for what you have.

Categories
Lifestyle

How to listen emphatically and connect to people’s emotions

There’s a difference between being quiet and being a good listener. Good listeners listen emphatically.

It’s easy to think they are the same. Especially if you talk a lot.

The difference between listening and hearing is that listening is intentional

“Oh he’s always quiet when I talk” and you think he’s listening.

To be a good listener you need to train yourself to empathize with people because unless you do so; your interest is limited no matter who you are.

How we listen?

We naturally listen to what interests us, not just that, but at particular period in time.
Listening is more about being present. Focusing your mind with who you are having a conversation and what they’re saying rather than allowing it wander.

Else you only pick what sounds interesting, and worse completely giving your own suggestion or advice without paying attention.

It encompasses of more than the main sense organs; but also the heart.

It involves cultivating effective communication skills, both verbal and non-verbal. Learn to express yourself clearly while you actively listen to others, and build meaningful connections. Effective communication enables you to influence and inspire others positively.

How to Listen effectively: Emphatic listening

Empathic listening is so powerful because it gives you accurate data to work with.

Instead of projecting your own autobiography and assuming thoughts, feelings, motives and interpretation, you’re dealing with the reality inside another person’s head and heart.

You’re listening to understand. You’re focused on receiving the deep communication of another human soul. – Steve Covey (7 Habits of Highly Effective People).

Listening is a skill

For you to be better, you have to practice. It takes practice to read faster and assimilate than normal; so is listening attentively.

Why is it hard to learn how to listen effectively? 

We spend years learning to communicate, read and write, how to speak but how about listening?

It may be a little uncomfortable, but learning to listening would largely influence your level of influence with others as it inspires openness and trust.

Why you should listen emphatically?

  • Achieve results as against winning arguments
  • Avoid negative misunderstandings.
  • Determine what people are really saying.
  • Influence people since they know you first are interested in them.
  • Resolve arguments faster and with compassion.
  • Be willing to give each other “space” instead of pressuring to resolve right away.
  • Build trust with more people
  • Attain emotional closeness and intimacy especially with a spouse.

Empathic listening allows you to connect to people’s emotions

Here’s a story from my Coach friend, Vikki Marsh on how listening to her daughter and letting her express her emotions influenced her behavior for good:

My daughter can be very selfish sometimes and I of course don’t want her to portray those traits as a “good mother” aught.

So yesterday she had been at after school care and she missed out on a prize because she went to guides. She found out her sister won the prize and was kicking up a fuss.

Normally I get annoyed because I don’t like that trait in her and tell her she shouldn’t think like that.

Yesterday I didn’t do any of that. I just let her know that I was listening and I said that I can see how disappointing that must have been for her and that it ok to feel disappointed. When we got home she had completely forgotten any of the fuss and told me she loved me about 4 times.

The old way she would have gone on and on about it all night likely ending in an argument. The new way she felt heard and accepted even though it wasn’t a deemed “nice” trait I didn’t reject her and so she could remain true to her child within because she felt accepted

It was a huge learning for me and almost shocked me at how different her behaviour was. It was such a small shift and had such a huge impact.

Summary

Do you listen to understand what people  are saying, or are you already thinking about what you’re going to say next to prove your point?

Start listening emphatically to become a better listener.