How to be more deserving of love? 9 ways to stop feeling unworthy of love

What does it mean when someone says they don’t deserve love?

Have you ever given someone a gift and instead of appreciating and simply saying thank you – they say something like “I don’t deserve this” “I feel like I’m bothering you” or worse they shy away and pretend it didn’t happen.

Sometimes we even do this unconsciously – someone compliments you for something you did great or your good looks and you catch yourself diverting their attention, changing subject by making silly statements or out rightly dismissing them – never appreciating.

What does it mean to be worthy of love?

Deserving love or feeling worthy of love here should not be mistaken for entitlement, where you feel everything should be done or given on a platter of gold – it simply means feeling you’re enough and accepting love graciously and hence attracting more love.

If this is your reality, understand this trait is not serving you and worse can make you to start repel love from others the more.

Whether it’s a romantic or non-romantic relationships, love given from a good heart is meant to be accepted and appreciated with a full heart even before you’re think of reciprocating if need be.

Few things can cause this feeling of not deserving love e.g.

  • Having trouble with self esteem
  • Not giving love enough to others yourself
  • Trauma from past hurt or ill treatment

9 ways to feel more deserving of love and attract more love

1: Change your mindset

We all deserve to be treated right and given the purest form of LOVE from everybody we meet in the universe.

Few centuries ago – slavery, racism etc were normalized. Today the human race is getting back to their senses.

Most of what you think you don’t deserve is what someone who is not broken is getting as the bare minimum.

2: Start taking care of yourself

Do we deserve love even if we don’t love ourselves? Taking care of yourself is one primary indicator that you love and cherish yourself.

I met a friend recently and she was all glowing. When I asked her what the secret was – she said she just started taking care of herself more.

Photo by Holly Pezant on Unsplash

How? She became more cautious of what she ate, exercise routines and watched her stress levels.

Key take away in taking care of yourself:

  •  Stop using junk food or feeding your mind toxic media (bad news or porn) when you don’t feel good.

Here’s more ways you can use to take care of yourself from your 20s: How to start taking care of yourself?

When you give yourself enough attention, self-love and treat yourself right – you don’t get all surprised when you find others doing the same to you.

3: Give out more Love 

Love begets love, so the more loving you are, the more likely you are to be loved in return.

Be more loving and caring yourself. This is something you can’t shy away from.

Most human relationship are exists symbiotically to function long-term.

If people and even yourself keep wondering what “you’re bringing to the table” then you’re going to feel less deserving of love from others all the more.

Then you catch yourself making statements like these:

“I can’t give you the love you deserve
“I can’t love you the way you deserve”

Showing love to others comes in various form – make it as appropriate enough to fit whatever context.

You can give your time, energy, resources etc. Check out different ways you can give without spending money on my post on why givers are attractive.

Giving of your time, energy, and resources shows that you are generous and caring, two qualities that can make someone more deserving of love.

4: Get rid of your self-doubt

Self-doubt can make you feel short in various aspects of self-confidence and acceptance.

Why would someone think they do not deserve love? Self-doubt is when we start to question ourselves, our beliefs our thoughts️ .Therefore we sabotage ourselves with negative talk like:

“you can’t do that!”

“you don’t deserve that!

If you suffer from Self-Doubt, realize you’re not alone:

Everyone of us has doubt.

You have to step forward.

Don’t let doubt prevent you from living out your dreams.

Gotta learn to believe in yourself and stop doubting yourself.

5: Get Rid of Your Insecurities:

If you don’t control your insecurities, they will drain all of your strength.

Acknowledge that your insecurities are keeping you from living the best life possible.

Insecurity is a major turn-off for most people, so work on ridding yourself of any insecurities you may have.

Work on letting go of your insecurities and reinvent yourself.

6: Eliminate inferiority complex

Sometimes we don’t just doubt ourselves but look down on ourselves. We think others are better than us.

And so when they show love to us; instead of showing appreciation we think life is unfair.

Image credit: Lagos Food Bank @Pexel

What we forget is no matter how someone’s life appears perfect outside they still struggle with various imperfections inside which they may never share outside.

Happiness is free. Gratitude and abundance and comes from the right mindset which is key to feeling good about yourself and developing intrinsic joy.

7: Practice Affirmations of self-love and acceptance

Affirmations are one of the most powerful things that exist as words shape how we see ourselves.

Best ways to stop telling yourself “i don’t deserve love” and other negative affirmations

Say to yourself:-

“I’m attracting wonderful things today”

“I love myself”

“I love my body”

“I love who I am”

“I am enough”

“I am unaffected by the judgment of others.”

“I am strong.”

“I am wanted.”

“I trust myself.”

When people compliment you- learn to say “thank you” like a child again- Use statements like “I appreciate.”

8: Practice healthy boundaries

Don’t shove your primary responsibilities to others and don’t try to pick others.

I can’t forget a story in the book “Boundaries” where some parents were complaining to the author in his practice how they keep doing everything for their son not to fall into trouble even when he does wrong.

They ended with a statement like – “our son has a problem with taking responsibility.” And the author corrected them – “No, You have a problem with taking your son’s responsibility.”

They weren’t allowing their son face the repercussions of his poor choices and so he kept doing it over and over again.

If you keep shoving your responsibility to others – you’re always going to feel entitled to their love which is entirely different from accepting love given generously from others.

9: Celebrate small victories.

Avoid believing that you are unworthy of happiness, genuine love or that you will never be successful.

If anything, you certainly deserve a reward for working on yourself.

You deserve acknowledgment for your work and commitment to turning things around in your life.

Celebrate each time you take a step toward the outcome you wish.

Revel in your successes.

Sometimes you have to be your own biggest cheerleader.

Bonus Point: Be More Supportive

Being supportive means being there for someone during the good times and the bad – it shows that you truly care about them.

You’re always going to smile when you people you were supportive of show back love to you.


Is there anyone in the world that doesnt deserve love? I wrote this post after encountering a few people who i genuinely offered love to but they always expressed and felt like they had not done enough to deserve such love.

But on the contrary – i had offered more love to some other people who appreciated without complaining.

It made me wonder why sometimes we feel we don’t deserve love from people we know care about us such as our close friends and family which could be as a result of self doubt, fear, pain etc.


2 thoughts on “How to be more deserving of love? 9 ways to stop feeling unworthy of love”

  1. Good post! I once believe that I don’t deserve love when I was younger. And most people who love me dearly were upset with me. But since the pandemic, I decided to change. I finally realise that I’m worth it and I love myself so dearly. Thank you for sharing such a great post.

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