Have you felt or wished you could catch a hold of your anger? How do you deal with anger while maintaining self-discipline?
Most people dealing with anger problems think it’s only genetic and part of their character, so they see no need to deal with it.
Anger is part of the stress response we use to communicate dissatisfaction with life events. And it’s important to remember that anger is a secondary emotion.
This means that it’s usually caused by something else, like fear or hurt.
Try to understand what’s really driving your anger before taking it out on someone else. I felt my body boiling … my tone and voice were up and I was almost sweating.
What surprised me was how the person I was engaging in such heated conversation was mirroring the exact body language.
Then it occurred to me: how we have a compelling need to show strength when we are angry, in order for others to perceive us as powerful.
While we can use anger to move towards finding solutions to problems, being in this state for too long will not just affect our health but ruin our interpersonal relationships, from;
- From poor communication to
- making regrettable decisions, and even sometimes
- transferring aggression.
Taking steps to deal with your anger problems can be life-changing.
1: Pause and Breathe
It could just be a count of 5 that could save you from ruining a close relationship or saying something you’ll end up regretting in your home or workplace.
Take a breath & think about how you should react (or if you even should) when you find yourself in a situation that could lead to something not so pleasant in the end, whether it involves just words alone or actual actions.
Take 4 deep breaths and become present in your body. And allow the feeling of anger to rise in your body…allow the physical sensation to flow right through you until it’s gone.
2: Mind the words you use
For me, avoiding insults that can hurt and words like “never,” which make it harder to change my mind.
If possible, say less, especially in the heat of the moment.
3: Walk away
When you’re struggling to tame your tongue when angry – another strategy is to walk away from such heated conversations.
4: Focus on finding a solution to the root problem
Ask yourself, “Why did that get me so angry?”
This takes you out of the state of survival and now allows you to be conscious and present. It allows you to take this event as a lesson to understand your thoughts beliefs and emotions.
The solution could be a third alternative, a compromise, or taking time again to do your homework on a particular problem.
Sometimes the best option is to quit or leave a toxic environment. But don’t settle if you really want to get to the root of any challenge.
I’ve made resolutions like never trying to change anyone or only focusing on things I can control after finding out why people get me angry.
5: Use Anger as Fuel Positively
You become powerful when you learn how to direct your anger. The secret is to channel your rage into something constructive and positive.
Most people only know about the negative side of anger. But the same anger can change people’s life situations remarkably.
Once you’ve acknowledged your anger, find a constructive way to release it. This could be through exercise, journaling, or talking to a friend.
Sometimes angry artists make better art; and you could see it in their writing, music, and art.
Here’s how a friend uses anger during workouts:“
I use anger when I work out because it’s the only time it benefits me and it’s a great stress reliever.”
Don’t suppress your anger.
It’s important to allow yourself to feel anger when it comes up.
Suppressing anger can lead to health problems like high blood pressure.
Since anger can be the result of locked-up emotions finally finding their way out, venting out your complaints or challenges can be a good way to set yourself free.
Its best you vent to people who are non-biased to your particular situation such as a Counselor or communities designed to help people with answers.
Venting to other people, including friends who would easily pick sides, may be counterproductive as they may stir up more hate or fury in you. I feel journaling is an excellent way to pour out your emotions without judging yourself.
Don’t hold on to anger. Often times, we feel we’re entitled to revenge and Hate – so we waste our precious energy bottling up hate against other people, which manifests as anger and affects our character and personality.
Forgiveness is key to letting go of anger. Holding on to anger will only hurt you in the long run.
Imagine being known by all your neighbours as the “easily provoked person.” That I feel is a weakness, as you show you don’t have control over your triggers.
Anyone can use it against you.
Remember the saying – if you are easily angered/triggered, then you can be easily manipulated. If you have a negative thought in your mind, perhaps one of anger, ” let it go.”
5 Habits that’ll help you deal with anger
1. Meditate daily
The less you have time to meditate, the more you find your mood and temperament swinging beyond your control.
You could meditate using scriptures for those who are “faith-based” or any technique that works for you.
2. Show more love
Choosing to be kind despite the anger and pain beneath the surface especially to those who we expect to love us unconditionally like our parents.
I had a senior friend confess how his dad was afraid of collecting any gift from him at his old age because he never supported his education while he was growing up.
But he kept on showing and giving more love to his dad until he passed.
3. Set Boundaries
Boundaries are meant to let ourselves and other people know their limits.
You can either decide to overlook something you can no longer tolerate, or you can figure out a means to make its effects no longer have an impact on you.
For example, you could let other people know they shouldn’t say a particular word to you anymore you feel is provocative, while they may be seeing it as a joke.
Mute or block any toxic personality online.
Say no when you don’t want to do something instead of doing it with rage.
4. Work on your Character
Anger almost always masks vulnerabilities. When you find yourself being unnecessarily angry, it’s a sign you’ve gotta work on your character.
What are you afraid of and you’re masking with fury. A healthy character is not afraid of being vulnerable.
Your fears, pain, and weakness do not in any way make you less of a human unless you act so.
So stop being afraid of showing some aspects of those weaknesses. Everyone of us has our fears, pains, and weaknesses.
5. Dwell more on your “Ikigia”
I’ve been happier and less angry ever since i became an entrepreneur and began writing often. No surprise.
Every time I felt I was doing something I shouldn’t be doing, my temperament was on the high side.
While you could say I just needed to be patient or work on my character – I’ve found eliminating most of the things I hate to do and spending more time on those I love keeps my temperament and temper stable.
Other ways of dealing with anger;
- Get in nature
- Marry someone who will bring you peace instead of stress
- Live in the moment
- Smile often and surround yourself with good friends.