Personal Development

Beyond Keeping Score: Embracing a Wholistic Approach to Life

Are you constantly trying to keep score in the game of life? Many of us are fixated on measuring our progress and accomplishments through societal standards like grades, salaries, and material possessions.

However, constantly comparing ourselves to others and striving for superficial markers of success can be detrimental to our overall well-being. In this post, we explore the concept of ‘keeping score’ in life and why it’s important to look beyond traditional metrics like grades and salaries to truly make an impact in the world.”

Now how do we keep track of our progress and accomplishments? We all have different goals and measuring sticks for what constitutes a “successful” life.

Imagine asking someone out of the blue:-

Are you married now?

How many kids do you have?

How much do you earn a month?

If they don’t ignore you or try to help you reframe the question – don’t be surprised if they get mean with you or don’t take you seriously.

I kept wondering why she told me she was “taking a break” when she was abroad furthering her studies. I’ve found out keeping scores for people whether consciously or unconsciously can be embarrassing and even make them get distant from you.

We keep score because it helps us to gauge our progress and understand how well we are doing. It also motivates us to improve our performance.

Take for example Grades and school is a perfect example. High school was such a horrifying moment in my life and existence. I was doing everything to hang out with the cool kids, keep scores with grades and unfortunately we were all feasting on each other’s insecurities.

Who was taller, could interact with more girls, pointed nose, wore fancy wears, spend more money YET make good grades.

Keeping scores can mess with relationships and affects our decisions.

Beyond Scores = making impact- How many books I’ve read? – How many posts I’ve written?

What I forgot was how much I actually enjoyed the habits that got me the results I was making my identity.

1: Read a ton of books for fun

Literally read anything I could lay my hands on. Reading is by far one life hack to get ahead of the game anywhere you find yourself.

Reading books is an essential life hack that can help you get ahead in life. It can provide you with knowledge, new ideas, and perspectives that you may not have encountered otherwise.

Reading for fun can also be a great way to relax and unwind, and it can be a source of joy and inspiration in your life.

2: Enjoyed learning

If you make learning a priority and give it enough effort and time – you find how you get to enjoy learning as a process without so much emphasis on what you could do with it.

Making learning a priority and giving it enough effort and time can help you enjoy the process of learning. This can involve finding ways to make learning more interesting or engaging, such as taking courses or attending seminars in areas that interest you.

By enjoying the process of learning, you may find that you become more motivated to pursue new knowledge and skills.

Think of any major Science or specifically Maths tutors you know – how much of what they know are they practically applying in real life? But learning new ways of solving problems is part of their joy and career.

3: – Taught others

When my Dad was running a computer school – he made me assist him by teaching adults the basic computer programs.

I’ve always been a fan of teaching others. Never related it to anything pride.

Mostly because of how i got interested in learning things myself. My Elder brother then was naturally good at grasping things and he was the only one that was patient enough had the best practical examples to teach me amongst other siblings.

Once I tapped from him – I looked for other people I could impact on.

Teaching others can be a great way to reinforce your own learning and help others at the same time. This can involve volunteering to teach others in your community or sharing your knowledge and skills with friends or colleagues.

By teaching others, you may find that you gain a deeper understanding of the material and develop your communication skills.

4: Gained confidence from knowledge

When I totally struggled with learning – my confidence was in shambles. As i always felt embarrassed when people ask me questions like “Look at them – do they have two heads?”

Whenever you find someone who knows their stuff – you find how their energy and level of confidence is attractive.

Having knowledge and expertise in a particular area can be a source of confidence and self-esteem. By knowing your stuff, you may feel more self-assured and better equipped to handle challenges or solve problems in that area.

This can be particularly valuable in professional settings, where confidence and competence are highly valued.

5: The Wholistic aspect of my life

Whatever you make your sole identity may turn out a recipe for unhappiness and bondage if you’re not careful.

If you only see yourself as a “good entrepreneur” and ignore your family, relationships or even faith – you might end up with a broken home and probably depressing life.

It is essential to maintain a balanced approach to life and avoid making any one area your sole identity. This can involve finding ways to balance your work, family, relationships, and personal interests. By taking a holistic approach to life, you may find that you feel more fulfilled and happy overall.

6: You Only Live Once:

What do you want your legacy to be? Think about what you want people to remember about you after you’re gone. What kind of impact do you want to leave on the world? Are there any specific things you want to accomplish.

It’s essential to consider what kind of legacy you want to leave behind and what impact you want to make on the world.

By setting specific goals and working towards them, you may find that you feel more motivated and fulfilled in your life.

It can be helpful to regularly assess your progress towards these goals and make adjustments as necessary.


Scoring often dictates the choices we make in life. It can lead us to make rash decisions or ones that are not in our best interests.

Scoring often dictates the choices we make in life. It can lead us to make rash decisions or ones that are not in our best interests.

By moving beyond scores and focusing on the things that truly matter, such as learning, teaching, and making a positive impact on the world, we can find greater fulfillment and happiness in our lives.

Personal Development

Recreating your Identity for Success

The reality of a success mindset is that you’ve got to rewire your brain before you can actually succeed. Create and rebuild oneself mentally, in essence.

This entails letting go of your former identity and embracing a new one.

Self-identity affects how you see yourself. It all starts with your thoughts, which lead to beliefs, feelings, and actions that change our identity.

Real change requires a change in identity, whether it’s becoming healthier, breaking addictions, or finding yourself.

This is not the same as people looking for “how to change identity from a state and start a new life.”

Recreating your identity is a journey to break down the beliefs that have kept you prisoner in your own mind and ultimately become a better version of yourself.

Your identity creates your beliefs, and your beliefs influence your decisions.

Your decisions create your actions.

Your actions constitute your behavior.

Your behavior shapes your habits.

Your actions, habits, and behavior CREATE the results you get.

For example, when you’re suffering from a chronic illness, you may not be able to heal your body’s illness on the spot, but you can change how your mind decides to handle it.

If you want to be lean and confident, but you look into the mirror and tell yourself that you’re broke and fat, then you’re going to always feel unconfident.

1: Start small

Don’t start with the hardest stuff and expect to do it for the rest of your life.

You start with the simplest things and work your way up.

2: Use the power of personal transformation to recreate your identity.

Start by focusing on the aspects of your life that you want to change, such as your attitude, beliefs, or behaviors.

The biggest lesson I learned from a coach about mindset was upgrading your identity and belief system.

As you work to transform these aspects, your identity will start to shift and transform as well.

“If you want to achieve ANYTHING in life or business you MUST operate so from point B (desired state) not point A (current state)⁣” Start acting from the point where you want to be.

3: Be persistent

Sometimes we fail and feel like giving up, e.g., when you relapse while recovering from an addiction.

You may beat yourself and call yourself a “slave” to such an addiction.

When you make the effort to create a new identity, never give up on your new identity; hold on to it fully and see the confidence you carry.

4: Dissociate your Identity from your Negative thoughts and emotions

If we allow our negative thoughts about a circumstance plus negative self talk to take over our feelings and create our actions, then that negative thought becomes our identity.

When you feel a negative emotion, it can be tempting to make it part of your identity, e.g., “I’m an angry person” or “I’m the jealous type.”

So next time you catch yourself wondering why bad things happen to you, ask yourself, “What am I holding onto?”

5: Dissociate your identity from setbacks

Part of creating a new identity is not allowing failure to define you. Gotta view losses for what they are … “temporary defeats” that are stand alone events.

I feel like every business owner, salesperson, and high performer struggles with this. Attaching their identities to their results.

And look, I’m human and very much the same way. It’s so easy to feel married to your results when they’re going well… But we all know that’s a slippery slope. Cause what happens on the days, weeks, or months where you don’t break a record… Aren’t able to close… Or do your results just plain suck?

The great news is that you aren’t your results. You aren’t your stripe account. And you’re not your bank balance

6: Let go of your past identity

Let go of any identity that is not serving you. It may be uncomfortable or scary at first, but letting go creates a world of opportunities. Too many people have made an identity out of the limitations that they’ve created for themselves.

7: Renovate Your Relationships

Take a look at the relationships in your life and figure out which ones are still meaningful and which ones need to be let go.

Reconstructing your relationships allows you to create a new social circle that is filled with positive energy and progress.

Surround yourself with the right people. Sometimes we need someone who is way ahead of us to validate our identity and potential.

Someone to hold us accountable and inspire us. Find that person who cares and can can see your gifts, personality, and passions

8: Reboot Your Career

If you’re having a career rethink in terms of fulfillment or monetary satisfaction:

Take a step back and look at yourself from a different perspective. Consider what skills you have, what you enjoy doing, and what you’d like to do in the future. Then, start shifting your focus to the things that you’d like to do.

I studied pharmacy in school, but before graduating, I was always careful about allowing any particular career to shape my identity; otherwise, it would have held me back from trying other interests.

9: Embrace Change

Embrace change as a way to recreate your identity. Make small changes in your life, such as taking on a new hobby or volunteering for a cause you care about.

As you do this, you will start to feel a sense of renewal and will be able to shift your identity in a positive way.


How do you grow your following on Twitter as a blogger

Everyone knows how Pinterest, Facebook help through pins and groups… but very few people know about the value of Twitter.

Your Twitter account might be the most valuable social media asset you own in terms of creating millions of impressions and clicks for free. And there is no better time than now to start building yours.

In fact i can honestly say getting into Twitter is the #1 motivation I used to start an e-commerce business that has done over $100k in sales via Google ads in just two years.

Even if you prefer writing long form content, embracing the entrepreneurial side of you would make it easier to make a living out of your passions.

If you want to grow your audience on Twitter…Focus on providing valuable content, building relationships, and actively listening to feedback.

Publishing your thoughts online is the best way to find like-minded people.

You can:

  • -Entertain
  • -Educate
  • Inspire-
  • Inform them

1: Establish Yourself As A Credible Authority

Making a good profile bio of yourself is the first thing you should do, rather than just leaving it blank.

Make sure your dream clients know exactly who you are, what you do, what you’re passionate about, but most importantly, what is in it for them, meaning why should people follow you in the first place?

What result do you get for people?

2: Consistency

Make sure you maintain consistency. You’ve got to be consistent with it. Nothing great was built overnight. It takes showing up day after day and putting in the work.

Be consistent with your content. Post regularly and consistently to keep your followers engaged. This will help to build trust and loyalty with your audience, which will lead to more followers.

Post regularly to keep your followers engaged. Set up a schedule to ensure that you post content consistently, and use a tool like Hypefurry, Tweethunter, Hootsuite or Buffer to help automate the process.

Consistency is key to building a strong brand. Make sure all of your branding elements are consistent across all channels and that your messaging and tone are consistent as well.

3: Interact with others in your Niche

Make sure you start interacting, i.e., liking and following other people and influencers in your niche.

While posting likable and engaging content can be effective in helping you get noticed.

Reach out to people who have similar interests and interact with them.

Follow and comment on their posts, and like their tweets. This will help to build relationships and create a larger network of followers.

Following and engaging with influencers will help you grow rapidly, because Twitter will see you’re in the same niche and recommend your profile to their new followers.

4: Tell Your Story

Facts tell, stories sell.

This popular saying has long been accepted by marketers sales people and business owners around the world as a proven method for engaging audiences and ultimately making more sales.

Learning to tell stories is the key to running a successful online business.

People just love stories and relate to them.

What inspired you to start a business or writing online? The changes its made to you, your life, your freedom.

Don’t sugar coat it. Be honest about the challenges you’ve faced. The things you found hard. The times you felt uncomfortable

5: Deliver More Value

Focus on giving more.

  1. Engage with people in the same niche and communities on Twitter
  2. Give out really valuable stuff, golden nuggets
  3. Share your personal wins and client testimonials. That is, deliver more value.

6) Take Advantage of the Know, Like, Trust Factor

Get your audience to Know you, Like you, Trust you, and Buy from you, by building rapport with them.

Yes, sharing videos, photos, and behind-the-scenes content is important.

Take screenshots of, for example, your blogs, your landing pages, your websites, or your products, and offers.

7: Tweet Your Way to Success

Create content that is both interesting and relevant to your target audience.

Utilize a mix of text, images, GIFs, and videos to keep your followers engaged and coming back for more.

If you want, even though it’s a bit outdated, be sure to use hashtags and relevant keywords to help increase your reach and visibility.

8: Make Connections

Connect with people who have similar interests to yours.

Engage with other users, reply and retweet their tweets, and comment on their content to start conversations and build relationships.

Then hit the DMs and start networking and making sales.

9: Run a Contest

Create a free product and ask people to like or retweet to get access. Easy way to shoot up your email list.

Create a hashtag for your followers to use and offer a giveaway or prize for the person who uses it the most.

This will help you generate more engagement and allow you to tap into new audiences. This may not be important if you’re just getting started and would work better for Brands and Influencers.

10: Share Quality Content

Share content that is both informative and entertaining.

This could include articles, blog posts, or whitepapers that are related to your niche.

It could also include relevant news stories, quotes, or even funny memes.

Remember to always link back to your website or blog.

11: Share Your Knowledge

Share your experience and knowledge on the platform. Create interesting and informative content, such as tutorials, tips, and advice.

This will help to engage your audience and generate more followers.

12: Use Hashtags

Use relevant hashtags to make your posts easier to find. Use popular and trending hashtags, as well as niche ones, to get more visibility.

13: Networking with Influencers

Start by connecting with influential Twitter users in your niche. Reach out to them and offer to collaborate on something.

Once you have established an initial connection, look for ways to foster an ongoing relationship by offering help and advice, commenting on their posts, and engaging in conversations with them.

This will help you to gain visibility, build relationships, and increase your following.

14: Tweet Quality Content

Quality content is key when it comes to growing your Twitter following.

Make sure that your tweets are interesting, well-researched, and relevant to your niche.

By providing useful information, you can establish yourself as an expert in your field and gain more followers.

15: Use Twitter Ads

Twitter Ads is a great way to reach a larger audience and grow your following.

You can use the platform to target specific users with ads, or even promote your own tweets.

This is a great way to get more visibility and attract more followers.

16: Participate in Twitter Chats and Spaces

Participating in Twitter chats is a great way to get your name out there and grow your following. Twitter chats are conversations between Twitter users on a specific topic.

By joining in on these conversations, you can make connections with people who share your interests and help spread the word about your business.

17: “Twitter Challenges”

Create a challenge for users to follow you for a certain amount of time. This can be used to generate a larger following and give people something to look forward to.

18: Do a Blog or Link share day

Create a daily or weekly event where users can share their content and encourage others to follow them.

This can be done through a hashtag or direct message to increase visibility.

Say something like: “Drop your links below for a RT and don’t forget to like, comment and share other blogs”

“Like and retweet this tweet. Leave a link to your latest post below. Comment on other posts. Follow blogs you want to see more content from”

P.S; I recently took Daniel Vassallo’s well-known video course on how to build a Twitter audience.

In this video course, Daniel Vassallo will show you how he built his Twitter audience, and how you can do it too.


Lifestyle Personal Development

7 Steps to Deal with Anger

Have you felt or wished you could catch a hold of your anger? How do you deal with anger while maintaining self-discipline?

Most people dealing with anger problems think it’s only genetic and part of their character, so they see no need to deal with it.

Anger is part of the stress response we use to communicate dissatisfaction with life events. And it’s important to remember that anger is a secondary emotion.

This means that it’s usually caused by something else, like fear or hurt.

Try to understand what’s really driving your anger before taking it out on someone else. I felt my body boiling … my tone and voice were up and I was almost sweating.

What surprised me was how the person I was engaging in such heated conversation was mirroring the exact body language.

Then it occurred to me: how we have a compelling need to show strength when we are angry, in order for others to perceive us as powerful.

While we can use anger to move towards finding solutions to problems, being in this state for too long will not just affect our health but ruin our interpersonal relationships, from;

  • From poor communication to
  • making regrettable decisions, and even sometimes
  • transferring aggression.

Taking steps to deal with your anger problems can be life-changing.

1: Pause and Breathe

It could just be a count of 5 that could save you from ruining a close relationship or saying something you’ll end up regretting in your home or workplace.

Take a breath & think about how you should react (or if you even should) when you find yourself in a situation that could lead to something not so pleasant in the end, whether it involves just words alone or actual actions.

Take 4 deep breaths and become present in your body. And allow the feeling of anger to rise in your body…allow the physical sensation to flow right through you until it’s gone.

2: Mind the words you use

For me, avoiding insults that can hurt and words like “never,” which make it harder to change my mind.

If possible, say less, especially in the heat of the moment.

3: Walk away

When you’re struggling to tame your tongue when angry – another strategy is to walk away from such heated conversations.

4: Focus on finding a solution to the root problem

Ask yourself, “Why did that get me so angry?”

This takes you out of the state of survival and now allows you to be conscious and present. It allows you to take this event as a lesson to understand your thoughts beliefs and emotions.

The solution could be a third alternative, a compromise, or taking time again to do your homework on a particular problem.

Sometimes the best option is to quit or leave a toxic environment. But don’t settle if you really want to get to the root of any challenge.

I’ve made resolutions like never trying to change anyone or only focusing on things I can control after finding out why people get me angry.

5: Use Anger as Fuel Positively

You become powerful when you learn how to direct your anger. The secret is to channel your rage into something constructive and positive.

Most people only know about the negative side of anger. But the same anger can change people’s life situations remarkably.

Once you’ve acknowledged your anger, find a constructive way to release it. This could be through exercise, journaling, or talking to a friend.

Sometimes angry artists make better art; and you could see it in their writing, music, and art.

Here’s how a friend uses anger during workouts:“

I use anger when I work out because it’s the only time it benefits me and it’s a great stress reliever.”

6: Vent

Don’t suppress your anger.

It’s important to allow yourself to feel anger when it comes up.

Suppressing anger can lead to health problems like high blood pressure.

Since anger can be the result of locked-up emotions finally finding their way out, venting out your complaints or challenges can be a good way to set yourself free.

Its best you vent to people who are non-biased to your particular situation such as a Counselor or communities designed to help people with answers.

Venting to other people, including friends who would easily pick sides, may be counterproductive as they may stir up more hate or fury in you. I feel journaling is an excellent way to pour out your emotions without judging yourself.

7: Forgive

Don’t hold on to anger. Often times, we feel we’re entitled to revenge and Hate – so we waste our precious energy bottling up hate against other people, which manifests as anger and affects our character and personality.

Forgiveness is key to letting go of anger. Holding on to anger will only hurt you in the long run.

Imagine being known by all your neighbours as the “easily provoked person.” That I feel is a weakness, as you show you don’t have control over your triggers.

Anyone can use it against you.

Remember the saying – if you are easily angered/triggered, then you can be easily manipulated. If you have a negative thought in your mind, perhaps one of anger, ” let it go.”

5 Habits that’ll help you deal with anger

1. Meditate daily

The less you have time to meditate, the more you find your mood and temperament swinging beyond your control.

You could meditate using scriptures for those who are “faith-based” or any technique that works for you.

2. Show more love

Choosing to be kind despite the anger and pain beneath the surface especially to those who we expect to love us unconditionally like our parents.

I had a senior friend confess how his dad was afraid of collecting any gift from him at his old age because he never supported his education while he was growing up.

But he kept on showing and giving more love to his dad until he passed.

3. Set Boundaries

Boundaries are meant to let ourselves and other people know their limits.

You can either decide to overlook something you can no longer tolerate, or you can figure out a means to make its effects no longer have an impact on you.

For example, you could let other people know they shouldn’t say a particular word to you anymore you feel is provocative, while they may be seeing it as a joke.

Mute or block any toxic personality online.

Say no when you don’t want to do something instead of doing it with rage.

4. Work on your Character

Anger almost always masks vulnerabilities. When you find yourself being unnecessarily angry, it’s a sign you’ve gotta work on your character.

What are you afraid of and you’re masking with fury. A healthy character is not afraid of being vulnerable.

Your fears, pain, and weakness do not in any way make you less of a human unless you act so.

So stop being afraid of showing some aspects of those weaknesses. Everyone of us has our fears, pains, and weaknesses.

5. Dwell more on your “Ikigia”

I’ve been happier and less angry ever since i became an entrepreneur and began writing often. No surprise.

Every time I felt I was doing something I shouldn’t be doing, my temperament was on the high side.

While you could say I just needed to be patient or work on my character – I’ve found eliminating most of the things I hate to do and spending more time on those I love keeps my temperament and temper stable.

Other ways of dealing with anger;

  • Get in nature
  • Marry someone who will bring you peace instead of stress
  • Live in the moment
  • Smile often and surround yourself with good friends.
Personal Development

How to Stop Negative Self Talk? 10 ways to Conquer Negative Selftalk

Why does negative self-talk feel satisfying while positive one feels awkward? How do you reduce or stop the negative self talk?

We all have moments in our lives where we used negative words on ourselves for whatever reason.

Because no one hears it – we may think it’s okay but it affects important aspects of our lives such as our confidence, beliefs and actions.

Negative self-talk = self-sabotage.

What kind of thoughts goes through your head when you are stressed or worried?

For most of us, it’s a load of negative thoughts that leave you feeling worried and aggravated, that’s how powerful your thoughts are!

Did you know that your brain generates the corresponding emotional response only by saying a certain word?

For this reason, it’s crucial to have positive and uplifting self-talk.

I thrive in the idea that:

• You are not your imperfections or flaws

• Neither are you your past nor mistakes

• No trauma can define you unless you allow it.

I’ve seen a family member who was in unbearable pain from cancer and one thing that baffled me was how much she had control over her tongue.

At times she did ask and wonder why she was still alive because of the pain. But majority of the time she was always confessing positive.

What causes us to use Negative self-talks on ourselves?

  • Low Self esteem
  • Hard times/Challenges
  • Failure
  • Pain and sometimes just a bad habit you need to Unlearn.

But just like any problem, it’s all subjective.

Fact is, everyone is going through one thing or the other.

What matters is our attitude. It all starts from our thoughts which manifests in the words we use whether spoken or unspoken that finally influence our actions.

1: Become aware of the words you say to yourself

Most people live their lives on autopilot – they’re not aware of their thoughts whether negative or positive and how its impacting their lives.

The first step to stop negative self talk is to catch yourself when you’re doing it.

This can be difficult at first, but it’s important to be aware of the negative things you say to yourself so that you can start to change them.

Be honest with yourself: does it sound true, hopeful, and encouraging?

2: Acknowledge your Negative Self talk

Acknowledge the negative selftalk when it happens.

Don’t try to fight it or ignore it.

Say to yourself, “I am having negative thoughts” about myself right now.

But then, there’s always something you can pick from the thoughts coming to your head including the negative ones.

By listening to it you can understand where it comes from and what it’s saying.

The problem becomes when you can’t make any sense of it or let it dominate your head.

3: Label it

Once you’ve acknowledged the negative selftalk, label it.

For example, you might say, That was a putdown I just told myself.

4: Challenge, Reframe and Eliminate the negative thoughts in your head

Stop being okay with negative thoughts on a daily basis or whenever you face a slight challenge.

After you’ve acknowledged and labeled the negative selftalk, try to reframe it in a positive way.

For example, if you told yourself you’re stupid, try to reframe it by saying, I made a mistake. Everyone does.

Challenge your Negative Self talk and practice self-compassion.

Questioning these thoughts then you can unpick and form a specific solution to combat it through positive self talk.

There should be no room for self-doubt, insecurity, or defeatism, so stop thinking negatively and adopt a positive outlook instead.

For example, instead of thinking I’m such a failure, you can tell yourself I’m learning and growing.

If you want your experiences and reality to go different you gotta think/speak different especially to yourself.

5: Replace the negative self-talk with positive ones

As a way of being in charge of your life – get used to speaking positive about your life and events around you.

Remember it starts with you – if you can improve the quality of the conversations you have with yourself you can significantly improve that you have with others.

Speak life. Speak to yourself the same way you would talk to someone you love

6: Perspective matters

The victim mindset and blaming other external factors doesn’t serve anybody.

Change the way you speak to yourself and perspective from the mindset of “things happened TO me” to “those things happened FOR me.”

You can reflect and ponder all of life’s circumstances by using FOR. It enables you to look deeply and realize that everything happens for a reason.

Specifically, what lesson is that circumstance teaching you that will enable you to improve as a person?

7: Take advantage of the Power of Gratitude

Focus on what you have, not what you don’t.

Most of our negative self talk is about things we wish we could change or how we think we’re not good enough compared to other people.

Focusing more on what you have and what’s working as against what you don’t have and what’s not working.

8: Choose to surround yourself with positive people

There are people I call “enablers” even to negativity.

They allow you say a lot of shit to yourself and people around you.

Surround yourself with those who have higher standards with their words and actions – positive people.

9: Talk back to it

Talk back to the negative self talk in your head.

For example, if your negative selftalk says, You’re never going to be good enough, you could say back to it, “I am doing the best I can.”

Remind yourself that you’re “capable and competent”

10: Let it go

Once you’ve acknowledged, labeled, reframed, and talked back to the negative selftalk, it’s time to let it go.

Tell yourself, I don’t need to listen to this. I am worthy of love and respect.

Habits you can use to conquer negative self-talk

1. Practice Meditation: Meditation is a great way to quiet your mind.

2. Eat Healthy foods: Sugars, processed meats, canned foods, junk/fast foods, all cause Anxiety and Depression both of which thrive on Negative self-talk to worsen.

3. Practice gratitude: Think of three things you are grateful for whenever you notice any self-talk that is unfavorable or worried creeping into your mind.


You deserve better. Stop that negative self talk. Don’t say mean things to yourself that you’d never dare say to someone else.

Choose to the see glass “half-full” as against “half empty” as a way of being kind to yourself.

Release the fear, self doubt & negative self talk … to find your true joy again. Like anything else, stopping negative self talk takes practice.

The more you catch yourself and reframe your thoughts, the easier it will become.

Personal Development

Don’t Let Fear Hold You Back: 10 Proven Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Achieving Success

We often doubt our abilities and think that we’re not good enough to be successful. Is there such a thing as fear of success? What is really fear of success and how does it work?

How does one deal with fear of success

What would happen if a small business that was on a $30-50 daily budget on ads scales to say $300 – 500 daily?

Imagine the results of a 10-15k/month ads giving results …. I’m sure 99% of these business owners would be too scared to even think of the results.

If done wrong without planning and building systems in place – the business owner may probably lose a few night sleep, trying to adjust and deliver.

And if done right – it’s a big opportunity to further scale more or sell the business.

Fear of success leading to procrastination

Sometimes we wish for a certain level of success …and when it’s close or almost ours we self-sabotage or dread it. Then go back to our old ways and how everything was done.

One thing we must acknowledge is success also comes with a cost – change and discomfort.

First your goals must align with our vision – e.g. nothing bad with selling a business once you scale it to a certain level.

Then we must remember getting successful in anything does not come by accident most times but with a set intention.

Making plans, putting effort to avoid self-sabotage and pushing through despite the uncertainty and fear is what makes the difference.

What is really fear of success and how does it work

I witnessed a form of this fear recently – I scaled a part of my business successfully in terms of the returns and coincidentally work doubled at first.

It was both scary and exciting.

What was most important was whether this was part of my vision for the business – and I realized it was. All that was needed was embracing this new discomfort and optimizing my systems and team.

Let’s not forget the naysayers would always be around to tell you why things can’t work. Growth is uncomfortable and who you hang around with while gearing towards success matters.

We need to remember that everyone has to start somewhere and that we can always improve.

1: Make a Plan

Winners begin with the end in mind. What steps do you need to take to achieve your definition of success?

Break them down into small, manageable pieces.

For example – how you set up your business in the beginning will determine if you’ll ever escape the grind in the future.

Keep building systems as much as possible where you can automate repetitive tasks and delegate low priority tasks.

Understand the steps you need to take to achieve your definition of success. Then, create a plan to help you stay on track.

Online businesses are the greatest example of building business with a plan for more freedom and don’t need you to run when they become successful.

2: Avoid Self sabotage traits

I have a set standard I intend to meet daily in both my business and lifestyle.

While trying to keep up – I noticed my nutrition was falling off.

So every other thing was not holding so well, so I resorted to doing some more self care and strategizing lately.

Self sabotage are all habits that eventually draw you back including:

  • Lack of self-belief
  • Poor self-care
  • Toxic habits
  • Only thinking short term etc

3: Surround yourself with the right people

Find people who will support you on your journey to success.

These people can help you stay motivated and accountable. If you spend more time with people who think “it’s not possible” or associate success with evil then you’re always going to detest immense growth and progress which is necessary for success.

There are people who are literally risk averse and fear change – so they mask this fear by claiming to know it all.

You’ll always be afraid of success if you’re not mindful of who you surround yourself with – so make effort to surround yourself with the right people.

4: Model Success

A friend was asking which medium would be best for his product and i asked him where he saw his competitors running ads the most and his brain clicked … research is key.

Don’t reinvent the wheel but model success, that way you’ll have results way much faster.

Plus you’ve got to make sure what you’re applying is relevant for your stage of growth, capacity, and the specific business and life you want to create.

Document your research and model success. Reading books, taking courses, consulting with smarter people and doing what they’ve acknowledged to work is a good start.

Then you can give yourself permission to tweak it as necessary with time but first you must model success.

This is the motivation you need to keep going and not be afraid of success.

5: Focus on goals not obstacles

When you feel uncomfortable taking action – it’s a good sign you need to lean into the discomfort and put in the work.

Don’t let the fear of the unknown get over you. Embrace change and growth that comes with it.

The key to success is to focus on goals not obstacles.

Don’t sit around and think of all the reasons WHY you can’t achieve something. Instead look for the reasons you CAN.

6: Trust the process

Sometimes we get caught up in the success of others not realizing the journey and process which includes the struggles, obstacles, the long nights and early mornings, the $0 days and everything else that they endured to reach that level.

Success usually doesn’t happen overnight.

It’s a process.

You have to TRUST the process while towards success in life.

7: Don’t be afraid of what others will think

We often worry about what others will think of us if we’re successful. We think they’ll say we’re bragging or that we think we’re better than them.

The truth is, most people will be happy for us and our success. This fear can limit your mindset and would prevent you from going all in.

Some even go as far as equating all success to fame which they’re afraid of. Or thoughts of whether the government would be after them.

So you’ll prefer to play small to feel accepted by your mediocre friends.

Ditch that and do you.

8: Think Long Term

Thinking short term is detrimental to your success and it takes discipline and consistency to think long-term.

Having a long-term vision and setting goals help you define what success means to you and keep you focused.

What does success mean to you?

What are your goals and what would achieving them look like? Focus on your long term vision not your short term fulfillment.

9: Be Patient

Change takes time. Don’t expect to overcome your fear of success overnight.

Be patient with yourself and trust the process.There is no elevator to success, you have to take the stairs. No short cuts, no cutting corners, nothing happens in a snap.

Everyone goes through hardships, failures, sacrifices, heartaches, pitfalls, bumps, rejections and even a lot of “nos”, but successful people never give up or throw in the towel. Persistency pays off, if you do the work and do it for a long period of time, sometimes you don’t even notice you reached the top already. ~ Rosette Ramos Pasetes

10: Appreciate every little progress

Appreciation and gratitude for every little thing you have in life is the right attitude for success.

And as a bonus – if you can focus on building the right attitude, you will attract the right people.

Success and growth are simple for you to achieve when you are surrounded by many people with the right attitude. Start by acknowledging your successes, big or small.

Congratulate yourself for a job well done instead of dwelling on what could have been done better.-


Sometimes success comes slow and then all at once.

We must make plans for it, trust the process and cultivate gratitude as a habit to counter any fear of success.



Pros and Cons of Sarcasm: 5 things I did to tone down sarcasm

If you can’t detect sarcasm – you’re going to have a lot of misunderstandings with friends and family plus fall easily into several traps in life.

Is sarcasm good or bad? Infact, there are studies that claim “not understanding sarcasm can be a warning sign of dementia later in life.

Are sarcasm and humor the same

Sarcasm can be used as a tool to build rapport or to put someone down. It all depends on the intent of the person using it.

Where does sarcasm come from

History and types of Sarcasm:

Sarcasm has been around for centuries. It was once used as a form of wit and humor, but it has since evolved into something more complex. There are many different ways to be sarcastic.

Some sarcasm is lighthearted and harmless, while other sarcasm is mean-spirited and hurtful.

What does sarcasm say about a person

We had a course mate in school that was extremely sarcastic. His response to every question was a joke – it didn’t matter how serious you were.

Funny enough, he was smart academically. Whatever jokes and pranks he made never affected his grades. Then all of a sudden – he dropped out. It wasn’t really clear but we heard he went to pursue a football dream in a foreign country.

The sad part of the story was he came back after 3 years or so to see if he could start all over as his plans didn’t work out. He became very bitter and reserved. The same person that was joking all around before could barely say a word.

It made me think much of who he really was all the time he was “King of Sarcasm.”

Who was behind the smiles and unnecessary jokes? I’m not against being Jovial or taking life less seriously ….The danger is when you allow Sarcasm do more harm than good:

Hide the real you.

How much sarcasm is too much

Why i decided to tone down Sarcasm?

In fact, I was this way before; I had a lot of insecurities as a kid and even through my teenage years. I could barely laugh without covering my mouth.

And to crown it all – I was amongst the most sarcastic person you could think of.

Then I got physically sick. I decided to start making changes to my life and stop following the crowd.

One of the first things I decided to tone down my SARCASM. It was time for not just others to take me seriously but for me to take myself seriously.

Enough saying one thing while I meant the other. Not sure if you could communicate without sarcasm?

5 things I did to tone down sarcasm

1: Became more self-aware

Its funny most sarcastic people think they’re in control of their emotions and words– but a few like me didn’t know what we were doing.

Some people use sarcasm as a way to keep people at a distance. It can be used as a way to avoid intimacy or to protect oneself from getting hurt.In fact I think sarcasm is a low vibration form of communication.

Think of a 5 year old kid that answers every question with Sarcasm. Except you’re really strong or experienced, you may just be projecting your insecurity on others without taking responsibility for your emotions.

2: Set clearer priorities

Having a sense of humor is cool but sarcasm can be usually crueler than that.

If you have clearer and higher priorities – you may have little time for being sarcastic.

Of course, there are exceptions – you may be a stand-up comedian or have any other career that involves playing around with your personality.

But most sarcastic people I’ve seen have normal careers. So, I don’t see any downside of learning to say what you mean directly even if you add some humour without sarcasm.

3: Attract like minds

You tend to attract the same kind of personality you portray. I’m not cool with being sarcastic with every statement so eliminating most of my sarcasm has helped me attract clearer people in terms of communication.

Sarcasm can be used as a way to manipulate or control others. It can also be used as a weapon to hurt someone emotionally or to make them feel inferior.

4: Developed Empathy

There’s a fine line with sarcasm. It can be difficult to tell when someone is being sarcastic. This can often lead to hurt feelings or miscommunications.

Sarcasm can be hostility disguised as wit and humour. With some empathy – you seek to stop mocking others or play harsh.

Not everybody would take you sarcasm lightly – so you may need to lower the sarcasm to become more empathetic in life.

5: Chose Discipline

Some people believe that sarcasm is a sign of intelligence. They believe that it requires a certain level of wit and creativity to come up with sarcastic comments.

While having a good sense of sarcasm may be a sign of intelligence; tapering it down when necessary involves discipline. That’s why it’s hard to even stop or even know you’ve gone overboard with sarcasm.

There are kids who are more sarcastic than adults because their parents or guardians didn’t put much effort on disciplining their tongues or words.

How to Use Sarcasm

I’ve seen people make request for a special font online to indicate sarcasm. If used correctly, sarcasm can be a great way to add humor to a conversation.

But if used incorrectly, it can be hurtful and offensive.

Some things to keep in mind while using sarcasm:-

  • making sure the other person will understand it in the end
  • not allowing it overshadow your personality trait.


Personal Development

Unlock Your Full Potential: 8 Powerful Strategies to Choose Purpose Over Pleasure

What role does pleasure play in our lives as compared to our purpose? And how much does too much of it drift you away from your purpose.

There’s an association between pain and pleasure.

Dopamine (craving molecule) was created to help us seek things that are beneficial for us in the long term and give us pleasure in the short term.

Purpose over pleasure meaning

At a certain age in life – it makes sense to prioritize purpose over pleasure.

When people get addicted to any pleasure – even the usual day-day activities or responsibilities now feel like more pain.

The brain moves to quench this pain with as much pleasure as it can find.

It’s easy to default to the nearest source of pleasure when things get rough or difficult.

Think of a kid binging on a video games so he can pretend to forget his difficult homework.

Then the extremes like seeking random low-commitment but sexually rewarding relationships to hold on to when having hard times with long-term relationships.

Why pleasure is important

Pleasure has its its place!

We can’t underplay the importance of pleasure in crucial life events such as sex and reproduction, food and satiation and the reward pathway of general life events.

But how much pleasure is enough?

8 ways to prioritize living with purpose over pleasure

1: Make your purpose your primary drive

You fall into trouble whenever there’s a confusion between which is driving you – purpose or pleasure.

The latter is a bad master but good slave.

Even if you haven’t yet “found your purpose” – make sure your actions align with your highest priorities.

There’s a quote “Men without purpose seek fulfillment by chasing pleasure. And with a life towards you purpose, can make a plan.

What are your goals? What steps do you need to take to achieve them

When you have a plan, it’s easier to stay focused on your goals and resist the temptation to veer off course.

It is not enough to simply have a plan – you must also take action and put your plan into motion.

2: Do hard things

Successful people do the things that failures don’t want to do. They focus on their long term goals over instant pleasure.

One of the biggest distractions we face in life is avoiding pain.

We know pushing through and engaging in challenges plus going the extra mile is hard.

Think of feeling stuck, and allowing the dreaded procrastination take over.

We look for the closest distraction in form of pleasure to hide from pain.

The secret in choosing to do the hard things when necessary makes life in the future easier.

Life is suffering and many people pursue the fast life:


In order for you to overcome the pain of life, you must find a larger-than-life dream to devote yourself to. – Vikash

3: Work when you work

One of the most powerful principle I learned in productivity is to work when you work and play when you play.

This is the price worth paying to steer towards your purpose. Doing both at the same time is a sacrifice of achieving excellence that’s not worth it.

4: Create a Healthy Balance of Pleasure and Pain by Setting Limits

Your life’s purpose absolutely includes joy and pleasure … a life without any form of pleasure is not just dull but is devoid of hope.

Think of an intimate relationship without physical contact or sex.

But without setting limits, we hit our dopamine peak and cause it to reset to a higher point.

So with time, you need higher stimulation to meet the same need or reward.

The healthy balance is knowing when “its enough” in whatever you’re trying to build as against chasing empty wind.

Only then can you give yourself permission to do things just for the fun of it.

5: Create Accountability and Find a Role model

Having accountability is a sure way to get closer to your purpose.

And they can tell you when you’re drifting away from your goals e.g. a Coach, Family or close Friends.

Also, who are you looking up to? If you’re struggling to prioritize living with purpose, it can be helpful to find a role model.

One who is living the life you want to live can be a great source of inspiration and motivation.

So its easier to see what’s possible for you

6: Live in the present moment

It’s easy to get caught up in the past or the future, but the only moment you have is now.

Learn to appreciate the present moment and live in it as much as possible.

Intentionally bring focus to everything you do with an accepting nature.

Find joy in the simple pleasures.

7: No one is coming to save you

The last time I felt like shit as a result of indulgences – i remembered there was no one that felt the shame, disgust and hurt but myself alone.

The media and everybody promote pleasure as both a sales and entertainment technique, but the effects of being overstimulated are faced alone.

The ultimate enemy is the pain of drowning in pleasure while starving for purpose.

8: Think Long term

Chasing random pleasure is short-term.

Short term pleasure nearly always results in long term suffering.⁣

The ability to choose long term goals over the short term pleasure is a life hack.





Finding Love: 9 Ways to Stay Positive and Avoid Losing Hope

Have you given up on finding someone despite years of trying and numerous unsuccessful relationships?

Love is one of the most beautiful things in the world. But sometimes it seems so far away.

It can be difficult to maintain hope when it seems like love is so far away.

Sometimes, it may feel like you will never find the right person or that you are not good enough.

We tend to do stupid things when we crave for intimacy and that we end up regretting.

However, it is important to remember that everyone is unique and that there is someone out there who will love you for who you are even if not romantically.

Sometimes you find love when you’re not looking for it. For some, they found love so easily – holding unto a partner for long or jumping into several relationships.

But for some others – love tends to always appear so far away:

It’s either you’re parting ways sooner after you meet because it’s just the wrong timing or the interest keeps fading away after a short while.

Funny enough, this post is published today, Valentine’s day. Love is really all that matters because everyone comes into this world with nothing other than love and leaves with nothing other than love.

9 Mindset Shifts to Help You Stay Optimistic While Looking for Love

1: Love yourself

Are you in love with the person you look into the mirror every single day?

True love with another starts with being kind to yourself because at the end of the day, your success in the outside world is a reflection of your success on the inside.

A friend once wrote this:

Only when I become aware of who I was, only when I learned to love myself and have a relationship with me, did I start to appreciate what I had, I was able to remove expectations, stop judging and stop comparing myself to others.

2: Practice Love

Show love to everyone you come across. Especially to those in need.

Not to boast but just to state how easy it is to think of only yourself these days:

When people you meet on the street ask for help; its easy to make excuses and walk past them.

But the most joy and reward comes when we help those we don’t expect nothing from.

When you love someone who doesn’t love you back, it can be difficult to move on.

Sometimes it feels like the only thing you can do is wait for them to change their mind. Its called unrequited love.

Don’t forget to love those that really love you. If you’re lost, start with people you feel love you unconditionally e.g. parents and siblings.

3: Do things that make you happy

When you’re feeling down, do things that make you happy. Spend time with your friends, go for walks, watch your favorite movie, etc.

Don’t lose yourself chasing after things you have no control of.

Do things that love you back.

Some examples of things that love you back:

  • Exercise
  • Eating nutritious foods
  • Pursuing your passions/purpose/dharma
  • Focus on yourself: This is a good time to focus on your own happiness.

Do things that make you happy and make you feel good about yourself.

4: Let go of your past

It could be a divorce, betrayal, abusive relationship or not just finding the right partner that’s holding you back.

The key is to let go of your past and pursue new goals.

Only then can you discover yourself again and find happiness, fulfillment, and self-love again.

Sometimes the person you love just isn’t a good match for you. It doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you, it just means that you’re not compatible.

It’s not you, it’s them.

5: Engage in more experiences

Isolating yourself most likely isn’t going to help you find love.

Engage in more Experiences in good places and events that can increase your chances of meeting beautiful people.

6: Ditch Infatuations and only seeking pleasure

Love is not Infatuations.

Watching strangers get intimate for the sake of pleasure would not help any matters either.

7: Write 

Writing can be therapeutic.

Write down all of your thoughts and emotions.

You may be able to see things more clearly after doing this.

8: Don’t give up on love

People you love at times are going to mess up.

You are too, perhaps even more.

A good relationship involves a lot of asking for, giving, and receiving forgiveness.It’s never too late to find love again at whatever situation you find yourself.

Sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to. It doesn’t mean that you’re not meant to be together, it just means that it wasn’t meant to be.

There’s someone out there who will love you for who you are.

9: Let love find you 

Have you noticed sometimes when you stop chasing things they become attracted to you?

At those moments, the best way to find love is to let love find you.

Here’s how Charissa Enget put it in a quora post:

I think when you stop looking for love, you set your life in the direction you want. Then, those who are moving in the same direction see where you’re headed and want to join you. Suddenly, you’re surrounded by those with the same goals and ambitions as you, and opportunities for love surround you. When you stop looking for love, you’re not afraid to be alone. You’re sure of who you are and people can sense that. What you see is what you get. There’s no facade. Those who fall in love with you are going to fall for the real you.


No one is born believing that they are unlovable. It can be difficult to keep your faith in love when it seems so far away.

Sometimes, it may feel like love is never going to happen for you.

However, it is important to remember that love is out there and that you just have to be patient.

Bob Marley was once asked if there was a perfect woman. He replied:

Who cares about perfection? Even the moon is not perfect, it is full of craters. The sea is incredibly beautiful, but salty and dark in the depths. The sky is always infinite, but often cloudy. So, everything that is beautiful isn’t perfect, it’s special. Therefore, every woman can be special to someone. Stop being “perfect”, but try to be free and live, doing what you love, not wanting to impress others!

Choose love every chance you can.





Personal Development

How to stop judging others

How do we stop judging others? People spend too much time judging others, and not enough time judging themselves.

We all have a story.

We all have our struggles inside.

Do you belittle people? You can never understand someone from only the surface.

It’s important to not be so quick to judge someone.

We all can overcome our deepest fears…. are you judgemental of others?

Keep in mind that it costs nothing to be considerate and kind, to give others the benefit of the doubt before passing judgment or criticizing them in public, and to treat people the way we would like to be treated.

Challenge your assumptions by giving them a chance!

Why people are fast to Judge?

Most people judge you based on what they know about you.

You take the path of least resistance when you resort to judging others even when you know next to nothing about them.

We say we like or hate people – how many times is this based on any objective fact?

People will judge you until they know your full story.

10 ways to stop judging others

1: Don’t be so quick to judge

It takes time to get to know someone. Don’t be so quick to judge them before you have a chance to really get to know them.

No one has a perfect life or has everything all figured out. And the fact that someone is going through a challenge or difficulty doesn’t mean they deserve it or won’t overcome it.

What a waste of time and energy.

If we want a better life, we need to change ourselves – in particular, our mindset.

Decide to be slow in judging others.

2: Show Empathy

It’ll surprise you to know that even the most hurting people don’t want to be pitied always.

They just want some love and people putting themselves in their shoes.

No one is asking you to solve everyone’s problems you come across – by just showing empathy you can express support and can make better judgments.

Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective and have empathy for them.

I heard of the Human Library project in Denmark:

3: Be curious

It’s easy to judge people when we don’t know them.

Try to get to know them better and you may find that you have more in common with them than you thought.

It takes being Curious and being genuinely interested in others before you can learn their stories by first getting closer to them and seeing life from their own point of view.

With time and experience you get to understand why you should never judge someone without knowing the whole story…You may think you understand but you don’t.

Their personal stories can give you a background of why they do what they do.

4: Be accepting and give people a chance

Challenge your assumptions and biases about others, and try to consider alternative explanations for their behavior.

We all have our own biases and it’s important to not let them get in the way of knowing someone.

Everyone is different and that’s what makes us special. Accepting people for who they are is a great way to stop judging them.

Sometimes first impressions can be wrong.

Give people a chance and you may be surprised at how much you like them.

5: Face your fears

Some people hide their insecurity by judging others.

Fear of being judged or seen a certain way sometimes is a reflection of how you judge others.

So many people are quick to judge others because they cannot fathom how they got the guts to be doing what they’re doing.

So much energy is spent either comparing oneself to someone else or judging them.

When I started focusing on my dreams and growing my business online – so many people thought I was wasting my time.

They judged the little beginnings because it was a path of high uncertainty which they could not afford to go through due to fear.

Start facing your fears and you limit the time and energy you use to judge people.

6: Be more open-minded

Sometimes people are willing to share their pains and struggles only if they know you care.

So they give hints in subtle manners.

The ability to LISTEN without coming to judgemental conclusions is a lifehack.

Be more open-minded.

7: Seek out different perspectives

It’s easy to get stuck in your own perspective, but it’s important to try to see things from other people’s point of view.

This can help you to be more understanding and open-minded.

8: Quit Gossiping

When you talk bad about others behind their back you place yourself in a supposed toxic “superior” position.

You can easily damage their names and reputation because you feel they may never learn about it.

But in reality – words travel fast and bad words travel faster. Then when it gets to them – you damage relationships and friendships that may take time to ever recover.

Gossiping is a negative energy and breeds bad karma.

9: Lead by Example

People learn more from your actions than your words.

And lack of leadership and mentorship is part of the reasons people make terrible mistakes.

By being your best self and doing things better you make them know it’s possible to lead a transformed life.

Never be ashamed of your shortcomings.

You will be somebody’s survival guide.

10: Focus on solutions rather than problems

Instead of restating 100 times why they deserve the problems they’re going through or why you think they can’t make it – think of ways they can improve or how they can do things better next time.

People would appreciate any words of encouragement over condemnation.


People like to judge other people and we’re all inclined to do the same to others.

But it has a way of making you stray from the path you started to carve for your future.

And it can keep us stuck, destroy trust and relationships.

No matter what people say or do – don’t mind other people’s aspirations, goals and dreams influence your vision of life.

We can all make better choices and overcome our biggest challenges without being judged by others.

Love more, judge less